There are days when you don't care what happens or what you do. You don't care how the days pass; you just go from place to place, walking about as if it doesn't matter. Days go by, weeks, months... and then one day you wake up and ask yourself what you've really done with your life. And you realize you haven't done much. You realize you're doing things you know you shouldn't, but you never seemed to care. Now, suddenly, you do! And you make a major change; you turn everything around. But life doesn't give breaks to anyone, no matter who you are. It gets harder each step you take. The road becomes steeper, the mountains grow taller, the valleys get deeper, and the clouds become darker. Yet you don't give up. You keep on going, hoping that someday you'll reach the summit.
Sometimes people bring you down. They discourage you or seem to be disappointed. And at times you don't care, but other times you do. It is in those moments that you not only want to hear but need to hear someone say, "I'm proud of you." And eventhough you hear it, you need to feel that it is true. You need to know they mean it. You decide that one day you'll make something of yourself, without any help from anyone and on your own. And then everyone will look at you and say "wow". But does it matter what they say if you aren't happy? Does it matter if you have everything in the world but no one to share it with? Does it matter if you think you are important but there is no one who appreciates that?
I used to ask myself the question: If you could have anything, what would you choose? And I would give such answers as: happiness, love, peace, no pain, perfection, etc. Until one day I realized that I could have all those things and more but still lack something. I would be lacking simplicity. When we look at life all around us, we see flowers, trees, rivers, oceans, seas, and mountains, valleys, cities and countries. Everything is so simple but no one seems to notice. We complicate every portion of life: happiness, peace, joy, love... and the list goes on. So many times happiness is at our fingertips and we're too afraid to grasp it. When love knocks on our door, we are too focused on hate to even hear the knock. Peace may be only a step away, but the world is at war so we think we must be too. We think of pain so much that we don't realize we don't feel it anymore. We stare flaws in the face for such a long time that we don't recognize what perfection looks like. Things go wrong because of us, but we blame the world, we blame each other, and we blame God. We blind ourselves with the complications when we should open ourselves to the simplicity of life.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello!
I loved reading your work, it made me reflect on myself a bit more than I care to think about lol. On a whole, the prose is good. It has a great flow, and each paragraph fits well into the scope of the story. Sometimes, however, it can seem as if you are milking your "moment". Just make sure that you don't get carried away with descriptors and tear-jerkers.
I love your work, please keep writing.
Good job and good luck!
Thank you ehobby!
I do tend to milk the moment sometimes. Need to work on that. Thanks.
When I read that first line, the firth thought in my mind was depression. She has depression.
But then I realised- she is okay. It's just a thought.
But in case you do have depression, I have know times of not okay too, I have known times of a hell of a lot more than just not okay, but it is with a full heart and the help of some medicine, I can say I am now, okay.
So I wanted to tell you that I coped with my illness for many years before I truly felt myself become powerless to do anything about it. It was a dark time, and it took a lot of courage and support to admit I needed to get help, and pluck up the courage to seek help from a therapist. It was beneficial, but the immediate symptoms were too distracting to make real progress. So very, very reluctantly, I resorted to medicinal help. I was already afraid of my own brain, and the idea of adding more chemicals to mess around with it, absolutely terrified me.
But I cannot express the magnitude of difference in which my quality of life has improved since I started taking the medication. I am not crazy, run-around-the-house, happy that I feared I would be, nor am I still at that horrible dark place where I realised I was out of control of my own body.
I am me again. And the relief and liberation I feel about that is so positively overwhelming. So I wanted to tell you :accepting you need help is never a sign of weakness. Nor is mental illness anything to ever be ashamed of. People get sick. People get better.
*Hugs*
I appreciate you sharing this, runandhide! Depression is a dark place. I get where you're coming from, this piece might sound a bit like that at the beginning. However, I did not intend for it to be thus. I meant it more as a reflection of one's personal life. Didn't mean for it to have any tint of depression. I am not suffering from that. But thank you for your words. Everyone has sad moments once in awhile. Depression is much worse, I am sure. Never been there. But I'm glad you found yourself again!
Hey. So overall it's a decent piece, but the empathetic emotion you're trying to convey (through the ability of the reader to relate to challenge, adversity, etc) seems very arbitrary. The writing structure, and your writing ability doesn't seem to need much work. Maybe except for some punctuation and grammar, but personally I hate when people ramble on about that considering how easy it is to fix in a revision. So there it is, for your grammar/punctuation.. Just revise it.
Anyways moving on. The piece seems almost arbitrary. It's like.. "so what?" That's what I'm getting from it at least. It seems over the top.. embellished for appeal if you will. Try to specify, using personal examples (if you're comfortable with that), about how you - for instance - "..one day [you] realized that [you] could have all those things and more but still lack something."
Doing so will add an amount of genuine "I can relate to this piece," and will in result dispel the feeling of frivolousness. And the feeling of.. "this is over the top, just to be over the top," whereas it's literally over the top because you think life is over the top!
Last thing: watch some of your tensing, as some are inconsistent and produce a knee-jerk reaction which ultimately takes away from the piece's immersion.
Good luck!
Thank you for your review, R2TheR. Thanks for taking the time. I understand what you're saying. I didn't mean for this to be personal piece; therefore, I didn't use anything personal. It was meant to be something different. As the title says, A look through my eyes. Basically, taking a look at things from a different perspective.