Phoebe

Indebted for the critique and the advice, as always, Jasmine--thank you, thank you!

Thank you both! ^^ I see what you both mean about the dash in the first line, and the second-verse-cum-run-on. I'll see what I can do when it comes to ...

Lullabies aren't generally known for their incredible versatility, so I'd say the repetition is fine. ^~ As it is, this comes across as very soothing, and I wish I knew ...

You might want to find an administrator to move this to the "Lyrics" section; you've currently got it housed in "Lyrical Poetry," which is not at all the same thing. ...

I truly commend your word choice hear, Lady Beks, though I thought the comparison to a bear might have connotations best left untouched--or, rather, more thoroughly propounded. Encore, encore!

I'm thinking that they are the ones in Sierra Leone; it certainly adds a new depth to everything, especially Alison's suicidal tendency. Truly a beautiful little script, dear smorg!

Amelia: Thank you! ^^ Your comments are invaluable. I know what you mean about the opening lines; this poem is something of an experiment, and highly conceptual, so I didn't ...

I love it! Truly delightful. I would love to see this one acted. I can't think of any criticisms at the moment, but I'm bookmarking this one for further consideration ...

Much obliged for the comments, Suzanne; and yes, it is about a break-up--or, more specifically, a one-sided break-up. You know the sort. And out of curiosity, is your signature from ...

Dilbert is the shiz. I like noodles, too.

I've never read them, but I know my younger sister is quite obsessed with My Sister's Keeper. As soon as I'm done with my Dostoevsky, I'm going to read it.

I'm not sure what's more amusing--the "test" itself or smorgishborg's critique. 1. OPEC is the pits. 2. Rhyming is the sux0rs. 3. Five points each to Snoink and Suzanne in ...