Something Exciting that Happens to Be Untitled

I'm eating toast. Toast
Which is why I boast
about cooking roast.
And I love toast the most
because it is a host
A host that is lost
cause.
'Cause.



[PS: this is a test XD]

Comments & reviews · 15
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Rjjr_vectra
Comment

Brilliant poem, brilliant critique schmorgashborgh. That made perfect sense.

User avatar
Dream Deep
Comment

... It amuses me that you actually felt you had to write "PS: This is a test" beneath it. :P

User avatar
Phoebe
Comment

I'm not sure what's more amusing--the "test" itself or smorgishborg's critique.

1. OPEC is the pits.
2. Rhyming is the sux0rs.
3. Five points each to Snoink and Suzanne in the random points system that I just devised. ^~

User avatar
smorgishborg
Review

Supurb work. I like the complex rhyming, I almost missed it! What I liked the most was the use of toast as a metaphor for the rising oil prices worldwide.. As a political statement it's first rate!

For those who don't see it, Suzanne is eating toast is symbolic because she is also digesting the news that oil prices are through the roof. The passage of toast through the mouth, to the stomach is representative of the daily driving that Suzanne, and her family do. The use of toast, is in fact brilliant because toast is crumbly, and brittle, not unlike the egos of the players in today's ever growing economy.

Which is why I boast
Implied in this statement, is that Suzanne has a Toyota Prius, and therefore boasts about it's superior MPG.
about cooking roast
A slang term for "tearing up the road", which in itself if slang for "driving".
And I love toast the most
This line actually has no meaning. I'd remove it Suzanne, I don't think it's in keeping with the voice of the poem.
because it is a host
The host is OPEC. Of course, the oil market is OPEC, and OPEC is the oil market. Brilliant.
A host that is lost.
Double meaning here. Not only has OPEC "lost it's way", but to force a rhyme, it could be pronounced "low-st". Clearly meaning "lowest" which means that OPEC is the lowest, dirtiest organization. Bet you didn't see that one coming.
cause.
Note the lack of capitalization. Genius.
'Cause.
Why do oil prices go up? Why is the sky blue?

'Cause.


I feel weird now. I'll do a real critique.

User avatar
Emerson
Comment

Yeah, it was my inspiration from a poor mid-dinner snack of toast!

User avatar
Leja
Comment

Oh, stop trying to take all the credit, Snoink :P

User avatar
Snoink
Comment

To be fair, I helped her. XD

User avatar
Cade
Review
Cade wrote a review · Fri Dec 21, 2007 1:20 am

Suzie, this is a totally worthless piece of crap. Have you ever even heard of good poetry? I can't believe you would post something as horrid as this, even as a test. Honestly. Next time, spare all our souls.

I HATE YOU. <3

-Colly :D

User avatar
Kylan
Comment

I'm guessing you're making fun of those YWS members who aren't decisive enough to name their work, let alone write something worthewhile.

Clever, clever, clever.

A worthy satire, my dear Suzanne.

-Kylan

User avatar
Icaruss
Review

Wow. I was surprised by this. Seriously... Just, wow. I mean, I love how you give as a deep, vivid description of your life in such few verses, how you caress the words, making everything sound elegant and bursting with life. Have you been writing for a long time? I'll be turning 17 in February, and I can only wish to write as well as you do by then. But... one can only hope.

User avatar
Leja
Comment

Comment dramatique!

User avatar
kioneslayer
Comment

=D Sarcasism isn't my thing, Suz. -hugs and up caughs uneasily- So I must admit. That was 100 times better then what kids at school can do. ^^;

User avatar
Via
Comment

Hmm Hmm? Does it?

I love to post.
I love it the most.
And I know I must boast,
About how I love to post,
And how I love toast--
Especially on the coast.
With the dolphins.

User avatar
Rydia
Comment

Awesome Clau! Such a very deep, well wrtten poem. I just know it came from the heart!

So does a new post count as a review?

User avatar
Snoink
Comment

this iz teh most aesome thing i've read1 rrite ,more.



Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
— William S. Burroughs