K, I was listening to some soft, quiet piano playing and made up these lyrics in the long process. I'm not very creative when it comes to poems, so it'll seem like it's repeating a lot. Is that good?
Hush little baby, no need to fear.
Time to go to sleep while mama-dear is here.
Hush little baby, no need to cry
Mama-dear is here and always ‘til you…
Hush little baby, don’t make a peep.
Time to close your eyes and drift off into sleep.
Hush little baby, don’t be afraid.
Morning soon will come and darkness soon will fade.
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Hush little babe, oh, it’s time to go to sleep!
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Time to close your eyes—don’t make a peep!
Hush little baby, no need to cry.
Mama-dear is here and always ‘til you…
Hush little baby, no need to fear.
Time to go to sleep while mama-dear is here.
Hush little baby, don’t make a peep.
Time to close your eyes and drift off into sleep.
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Hush little babe, oh, it’s time to go to sleep!
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Time to close your eyes—don’t make a peep!
Hush little baby, don’t make a peep.
Time to close your eyes and drift off into sleep.
Hush little baby, sleep to my song.
Time to close your eyes, the bed bugs are all gone.
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Hush little babe, oh, it’s time to go to sleep!
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Time to close your eyes—don’t make a peep!
No, little baby, don’t play with toys!
Time to go to sleep—no making all that noise!
No, little baby, time to sleep!
Time to close your eyes—oh, don’t you make a peep!
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Hush little babe, oh, it’s time to go to sleep!
Hush little babe, it is time to sleep now!
Time to close your eyes—don’t make a peep!
Hush little baby, don’t be afraid!
Morning soon will come and darkness soon will fade!
Hush little baby, no need to fear!
Time to close your eyes while mama-dear is here.
Time to close your eyes and drift off into sleep.
Mama-dear is here and always when you fly!
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I've been looking forward to reading something of yours (Your reviews are...oh, shall we say interesting XD and it got me wondering what your stories and poetry are like) and since you haven't posted anything recently I browsed through the lit section and here I am!
Is it okay to be repetitive? In the case of lyrics, I'd say it's perfectly okay. (Some songs such as Mary Did you Know use a single line or phrase often.) However...as you've found out, some people can find repetition annoying so it's more up to you.
First Impression
Wow. Just wow.
Nitpicks & Grammar
Nothing to say here
Style & Flow
Here we go-
Other then that I think you did very well (; Keep writing find the time to publish something on here again!
EverLight Out
Hey Jabbs.
Timea
It's very repetative. I don't really like repetative. Just an opinion. It's really long... I only read about the first five verses, because I got bored of it. I think everyone else covered what I was gonna say.
I agree with Poebe, that this song is very sweet. It's a very nice lullaby and lullabies are supposed to be repetative, but I think it's alittle over done in this one, so maybe you can just make it a bit shorter ^-^
All in all I like this, it's cute
Keep it up
~Kalli
Lullabies aren't generally known for their incredible versatility, so I'd say the repetition is fine. ^~ As it is, this comes across as very soothing, and I wish I knew the melody so I could sing it to the babies I watch. It's very sweet.
This was also my favorite part......but instead of saying "Mama-dear is here and always 'til you" I think it would've been better to say "Mama-dear is here to sing your lullaby".....overall it was alright and like you said you were very repeatitive and I think that if you really tried to you can revise this and make it a whole lot better Hut ^^
-Uo The lady in grey
LOVE YOU HUT ^^
That's my favorite line. Yes, "Hush Little Baby", was repeated several times but it's okay. This is a lullaby song.
I think the lines "hush little baby" seems a bit overused. I also don't know what the exclaimation marks are for. I kinda figured this was like a rock song or something lol.
The problem I had with this was that I think you could had invented something other than "hush little baby."
Overall, it was ok.
Like you said at the beginning , it was very repetitive. I don't quite understand what was happening. I mean, was the "baby" being restless , not sleeping, and, crying. The other meaning I found in it was that your confused and so many things are being thrown at you and now you don't know what to do. If that nothing close to what you were trying to say, then I'm sorry, I have to read between the lines a lot. Its good though, because your listeners can take parts of it that apply to them and use it towards there own feelings. Well I don't rightly know what i was trying to say there, but I said it. =) Good job , try using more metaphors though.