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Re: A Desperate Situation
Hey Wonderwoman! Here to review your chapter for review day. I like your title already. It caught my eye. I like your first paragraph. It’s short, snappy and straight to ...
Jun 28, 2015 -
Re: Wind Memories. Prologue & Part 1
Hey NicolMemo! I saw the word prologue and I’ve jumped straight in. I love a prologue. Prologue is good. You need to think about taking the ‘my twin’s’ part out. ...
Jun 28, 2015 -
Re: Ruins
Hi dittoslash. Nice to meet you! I”m here to review your chapter for review day. - I like the start of the story already. It doesn’t feel like I’ve read ...
Jun 28, 2015 -
Re: Tallon chapter 2
Hi Tallon45. Back to review Chapter 2! - “Since then I lived on the streets” needs to be “Since then I’ve lived on the streets.” - Woah! That sure ...
Jun 28, 2015 -
Re: Tallon chapter 1
Hi Tallon45. Here to review your 2 chapters for review day. - I think you should have an ‘I’m’ in front of ‘Finally’ at the beginning. Connect us to the ...
Jun 28, 2015 -
Re: Name suggestions welcome!
Hi Lau2001 :) Here to review your chapter for you :) - I really like your first paragraph. Its concise & intriguing - everything you need for a first paragraph. ...
Jun 18, 2015 -
Re: The Suicidal Encounter That Saved Chapter 1
Hi PerfectWeapon. Here to review your short story :) My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat. Be careful with your tenses. You’ve switched between present ...
Apr 22, 2015 -
Re: One Hour in Fifty-four Years
Hi Authorian :) Here to review your short story. Your title caught my eye. Ok - all things great; I love the description of the girl looking at the boy ...
Apr 22, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - FUTURE: Hole in the Head (Part 3/3)
I’ll do Future part 1,2 & 3 together in one review. Part 1 OH the tension is already fantastic! I would definitely have grabbed something more severe than a letter ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 11: Hold On
Chapter 10 & 11 because I haven’t go much to say about chapter 10... :) 10 Woah - you’ve got a lot of voices going on here. I’m confused as ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 9: Imagination
Chapter 9... :) Again - i like the mini prologue introducing your chapter. It’s really interesting and not something that you see very often. I really think you should think ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 8: Confessions
Onto chapter 8! I find it a bit strange how Layla flits between calling the doctor by his first name and then back to Doc. I feel that the ‘Doc’ ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 7: This Is The Life (Part 2/2)
I’m going to do chapter 7, part 1 & 2 as one review! Makes more sense to me that way. PART 1 I think it could do with a more ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 6: Alive & Kicking
HI.... I like your mini prologue at the start of this chapter. You could incorporate this idea into all of your chapters. It’s a good way of setting up what ...
Apr 21, 2015 -
Re: Imaginary Friends - 5: Breakdown Motel
Me again! Ive read up to this point so I’ll start again here :) I actually like the name Breakdown Motel for your title. I like the connotations behind it ...
Apr 21, 2015