Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
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Suicide doesn't take away the pain, it gives it to someone else...
Holding the edge, feeling the air rush around me. My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat. Tears stream down my face as I realize what is finally happening. I make the final decision, and I step forward. As soon as I step forward, strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me down. I look up, and I see a guy of about 24 holding me. Its to blurry to see any details about his face.
“Calm down, quiet baby,” he whispered in my ear. The voice is low and its sounds like he is older than he looks. “Please calm down sweetheart, its ok I’m here.” He spoke kindly into my ear. His long skinny arms are plastered in tattoos, and are wrapped around my waist. After about three minutes of this guy holding me, I hear four voices calling for a man named Andy.
“Guys I’m up here!” This man yelled towards the voices. There is a loud bustling coming up stairs, and four guys with long sleek black hair that is spiked on top walk on to the roof. Immediately the guys start heading towards us. They are confused obviously by this man and I just sitting here.
This man stands up and I wipe my eyes and stand along with him. My vision comes back into to focus, and I start to freak out realizing who these men were. The man who had saved me was Andy Biersack. The guys that were calling for Andy were Ashley Purdy, Jake Pitts, Jeremy Ferguson, (Jinxx,) and Christian Coma (CC.) They start to introduce themselves and I stop them and say “Of course I know who you guys are!” Their faces are stunned, and and Ashley just laughs. He steps forward and holds me in his arms, it was obvious I had been crying.
CC steps forward and asks, “Are you ok darling?” As he says this, his voice is calming, and relaxing. I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, and I cover them for a second before he gently pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you cry sweetie.” He coos into my ear. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, and hug him back. Tears are streaming down my face, and he tells me, “You know you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
I wipe the tears that had fallen from my eyes. “N..no, I can... t…t…tell you.” I managed to stutter out. They all sat down around me except Andy who had now put his arm around my waist.
“When I was younger, my dad had started to drink a lot of alcohol, and he smoked weed a lot. He was hardly around, and when he was he beat my mother and I.” I close my eyes and thought back. “A few years later, my mum and father had divorced. My mum had not taken it well, and she also started to drink. I would come home, and she would be passed out on the couch.” I start to feel the emotions flood back and a few tears escape my eyes. “She would constantly call me worthless, and she would complain over how I had ruined her life with my father. Most days I wouldn’t eat because when I would go to get food,” I look over at andy who was now holding my hand as a gesture of reassurance, “she would threaten to cut the 'fat' from my stomach. I stopped eating because I was also constantly called fat by the people around me.”
“Listen, you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” Ashley had added as I fight back tears. “It’s Ok, I’m Ok..” I trailed off thinking back to the last person I tad that to. It was minutes before I had decided to attempt to kill myself, again.
“Are you sure,” ashley looks sad. “I take a deep breath and I continue. I then started failing my classes, and I stopped being social. I had not talked to anyone for about 4 months, when all of a sudden,” another tear falls down my face, and Andy’s hand tightens with my hand. “These kids start to act like my best friend. They would sit with me at lunch, and they would try to cheer me up. Then one day I walked into the school, and everyone started laughing at me, and making vomiting noises towards me. I look at my ‘friends’ and they are just laughing at me. I decided to leave school, and I can up here. I was going to jump, but I was shaking and crying. Then as I leaned forward Andy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back. I remember the kids and the reason that they made the vomiting noises, because I would always force myself to throw up any food I ate..” I trailed off.
I look at everyone, and they are staring at me in disbelief. Andy pulled me close to him, virtually eliminating all the space between us. I bury my head in his neck and he kisses the top of my head gently. I look up at him and his are glassy as if he is about to cry himself. He decides to press his lips against mine. This only being for a few seconds. I thought it was to stifle the cry about escape from him. He pulls back and I am sitting in disbelief and so is everyone around us. Andy looks at me apologetically, and says he is sorry.