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16+ Mature Content

The Suicidal Encounter That Saved Chapter 1

by PerfectWeapon


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

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Suicide doesn't take away the pain, it gives it to someone else...

Holding the edge, feeling the air rush around me. My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat. Tears stream down my face as I realize what is finally happening. I make the final decision, and I step forward. As soon as I step forward, strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me down. I look up, and I see a guy of about 24 holding me. Its to blurry to see any details about his face.

“Calm down, quiet baby,” he whispered in my ear. The voice is low and its sounds like he is older than he looks. “Please calm down sweetheart, its ok I’m here.” He spoke kindly into my ear. His long skinny arms are plastered in tattoos, and are wrapped around my waist. After about three minutes of this guy holding me, I hear four voices calling for a man named Andy.

“Guys I’m up here!” This man yelled towards the voices. There is a loud bustling coming up stairs, and four guys with long sleek black hair that is spiked on top walk on to the roof. Immediately the guys start heading towards us. They are confused obviously by this man and I just sitting here.

This man stands up and I wipe my eyes and stand along with him. My vision comes back into to focus, and I start to freak out realizing who these men were. The man who had saved me was Andy Biersack. The guys that were calling for Andy were Ashley Purdy, Jake Pitts, Jeremy Ferguson, (Jinxx,) and Christian Coma (CC.) They start to introduce themselves and I stop them and say “Of course I know who you guys are!” Their faces are stunned, and and Ashley just laughs. He steps forward and holds me in his arms, it was obvious I had been crying.

CC steps forward and asks, “Are you ok darling?” As he says this, his voice is calming, and relaxing. I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, and I cover them for a second before he gently pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you cry sweetie.” He coos into my ear. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, and hug him back. Tears are streaming down my face, and he tells me, “You know you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I wipe the tears that had fallen from my eyes. “N..no, I can... t…t…tell you.” I managed to stutter out. They all sat down around me except Andy who had now put his arm around my waist.

“When I was younger, my dad had started to drink a lot of alcohol, and he smoked weed a lot. He was hardly around, and when he was he beat my mother and I.” I close my eyes and thought back. “A few years later, my mum and father had divorced. My mum had not taken it well, and she also started to drink. I would come home, and she would be passed out on the couch.” I start to feel the emotions flood back and a few tears escape my eyes. “She would constantly call me worthless, and she would complain over how I had ruined her life with my father. Most days I wouldn’t eat because when I would go to get food,” I look over at andy who was now holding my hand as a gesture of reassurance, “she would threaten to cut the 'fat' from my stomach. I stopped eating because I was also constantly called fat by the people around me.”

“Listen, you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” Ashley had added as I fight back tears. “It’s Ok, I’m Ok..” I trailed off thinking back to the last person I tad that to. It was minutes before I had decided to attempt to kill myself, again.

“Are you sure,” ashley looks sad. “I take a deep breath and I continue. I then started failing my classes, and I stopped being social. I had not talked to anyone for about 4 months, when all of a sudden,” another tear falls down my face, and Andy’s hand tightens with my hand. “These kids start to act like my best friend. They would sit with me at lunch, and they would try to cheer me up. Then one day I walked into the school, and everyone started laughing at me, and making vomiting noises towards me. I look at my ‘friends’ and they are just laughing at me. I decided to leave school, and I can up here. I was going to jump, but I was shaking and crying. Then as I leaned forward Andy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back. I remember the kids and the reason that they made the vomiting noises, because I would always force myself to throw up any food I ate..” I trailed off.

I look at everyone, and they are staring at me in disbelief. Andy pulled me close to him, virtually eliminating all the space between us. I bury my head in his neck and he kisses the top of my head gently. I look up at him and his are glassy as if he is about to cry himself. He decides to press his lips against mine. This only being for a few seconds. I thought it was to stifle the cry about escape from him. He pulls back and I am sitting in disbelief and so is everyone around us. Andy looks at me apologetically, and says he is sorry.


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Mon Sep 14, 2015 3:10 am
lexydeluca wrote a review...



This is very sad but also very good! It's a very good topic, well not good in a good way but very relatable. you give a lot of nice details about everything which is very nice for short stories.

Nitpicking: The second to last paragraph it says " and i can up here" I think it's supposed to say came? not sure lol.
Last paragraph : " his are glassy as if he is about to cry" his eyes are glossy??

Overall very good, i enjoyed reading it very much and I'm looking forward to reading the other chapters!

Keep writing, you're very good at intriguing the readers.




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Thu Apr 30, 2015 2:33 am
RubyRed wrote a review...



Hello Perfectweapon, I'm going to review your paper as suggested. I love this makes me want to cry like the last one. :( Anyway down to business.

Paragraph 1: Holding the edge, feeling the air rush around me. My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat. You put "suck in my throat" I could tell you meant stuck but I'd change that ASAP. Also: Its to blurry to see any details about his face. You should put too instead of "to" because to is used as, "I went to the store." whereas too is used like, "That cookie was too sugary." also it's instead of its.

Paragraph 2: “Calm down, quiet baby,” he whispered in my ear. You should change it to: "Calm down, baby." that way it doesn't sound odd.

Paragraph 3: They are confused obviously by this man and I just sitting here. How did you get to sitting down? In the first paragraph you say, "As soon as I step forward, strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me down." I'd say, "As soon as I try to take a step forward, strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me back from the edge of the roof to my knees." That way it doesn't confuse people cause if you're right at the edge if you took one step you'd fall. I think that's about it. :D Love this story keep writing and tell me when the next part is done! ;)




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Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:33 pm
GLaDOS wrote a review...



I.
Am.
Batman.

Heyo Perf. xJ here to review yer stuffz. So let's take this paragraph by paragraph.

Paragraph 1: Alright, this introduction is great. But I have a few nitpicks. First off: "My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat." Should be revised to: "My hands shake, and my breath is sucked into my throat." So, make sure you proof-read before publishing. ^.^ And: " Its to blurry" should be revised to: "It's too blurry." Overall, nice introduction, you gave me a good mental image.

Paragraph 2: I see a little mistake here: “Calm down, quiet baby,” Should be revised to: "Calm down, baby," (I probably should've told you that when I first read it, my apologies) And also: " he whispered in my ear. The voice is..." That first sentence was in past tense, while the next one is in present. Try to work on those. ^.^ And another thingy: “Please calm down sweetheart, its ok I’m here.” Should be revised to: "Please calm down sweetheart, it's okay, I'm here." Otherwise, great paragraph.

Paragraph 3: Alright, the only thing I found wrong with this paragraph was this: "...long sleek black hair that is spiked on top walk on to the roof" This is a bit of a run-on sentence. Try: "...long, sleek, and spiky black hair walked onto the roof." It sounds a bit better.

Paragraph 4: Once again, I found one little sentence wrong: "I stop them and say “Of course I know who you guys are!” Their faces are stunned," Should be revised to: "I stop them and say, "Of course I know who you guys are!" And they look at me with stunned expressions." Using the word "faces" makes it sound a bit awkward. "Expressions" creates a nice flow.

Paragraph 5: “Are you ok darling?” Instead of using the little text word, use the actual word "okay." But other than that little bit, this paragraph is totally fine! ^.^

Paragraph 6: “N..no, I can... t…t…tell you.” If you want to make a character stutter, use dashes instead of these dots, otherwise it looks like you're pausing and are speaking very slow. Example: "N-No, I can t-t-tell you..." It takes up less space, and is the right way to do this.

Paragraph 7: As far as I can tell, there are no mistakes here. I was a bit confused the first time I read, but that's just my awkward mind. Anyway, great paragraph, excellent punctuation, and no mistakes.

Paragraph 8: Once again, use the word "okay" instead of "ok." Because when you use the informal word, it sounds as if you are just texting a friend. You also made a typo, "tad" should be "said," at least I think so. Otherwise, I don't understand.

Paragraph 9: Makes sure to capitalize "ashley." You also misplaced this quotation mark, “I take a deep breath and I continue." Which should come a sentence later. And another little spelling mistake: "can up here." should be "came up here."

Paragraph 10: Beautiful conclusion to the most adorable story I've ever read! So cute. =^w^=

May your travels through space and time be merry,

-xJ ❤︎






I can now do an update!!! Thanks for the review!



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Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:16 pm
Rin321 says...



Please continue! I want to her more! This was so sweet, and sort of sad! :D






I can now do an update!!! Thanks for the review!



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Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:16 pm
Rin321 says...



Please continue! I want to her more! This was so sweet, and sort of sad! :D






Please don't spam my account like this :(



Rin321 says...


I did not mean to! The site glitches! Sorry! :)





Ok



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Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:16 pm
Rin321 says...



Please continue! I want to her more! This was so sweet, and sort of sad! :D




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Wed Apr 22, 2015 3:14 pm
kevin25a wrote a review...



This is a beautiful starry. And all too common, it's worse when shitty parents like that are in the situation too. Being bullied at school, then when you return home just leads to too many problems. It's sad how many people contribute to the problem and so fee try making it better.

Hopefully most are lucky enough to have a true friend stand up for them, but I know many don't. I'm always there for people like that because I have been in those shoes.






I totally agree with you! I write most of my stories, it is based off of what happened to me.





I can now do an update!!! Thanks for the review!



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Wed Apr 22, 2015 2:58 pm
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rainbowslol12 says...



Omg I was just sitting here for a few minutes and I felt like I was sitting here for hours this is amazing and I love another chapter!!!

-rainbowslol12






Lol, "mom" I will write one, if I get one more comment at least from someone!





I can now do an update!!! Thanks for the review!



kevin25a says...


Your welcome, yeah my mother was the shitty parent for me to. But I ran away and lived on my own at a really young age.





Oh...I'm sorry. What about your dad?



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Wed Apr 22, 2015 2:00 pm
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OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hi PerfectWeapon. Here to review your short story :)

My hands are shaking, and my breath was suck in my throat.

Be careful with your tenses. You’ve switched between present and past here. Choose which one you feel most comfortable writing with and stick to it.

If you want to use nicknames for your characters then go ahead and use them! As the reader, we don’t know any different so that’s fine if you want to use them. Having the nicknames in brackets feels a bit forced.

when he was he beat my mother

You don’t need the ‘was’ here.

You’ve done a great job with the explanation of why the girl feels this way. It’s packed full of emotion and you can really tell that you truthfully know what is going on in her mind.

I decided to leave school, and I can up here.

Something is missing here.

I’m a bit confused as to why there’s so many guys around her? I think it would make it more personal and romantic if there was only Andy. But obviously that is just my opinion.

Good Luck! :D Feel free to ask me any questions. Anytime

Olive <3






Thank you very much, I see what you mean. I was kinda rushed in writing this by my friend xJupiter :D Thanks again for the review!





I can now do an update!!! Thanks for the review!




You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
— Stephen King