-
Re: Missed Calls
That was brilliant, the enjambment from the second to third stanza was very nicely done, this piece flowed superbly, excellent!
Feb 23, 2007 -
Re: Chionophobia #32 /P
OK, it's just that they cost around 1.2 million pounds which is quite a lot, but I see your point.
Feb 22, 2007 -
Re: Chionophobia #33 /P
"It was a small room, only about fifty square feet of space." - that's not small. Again, brilliant, very captivating.
Feb 22, 2007 -
Re: War-Machine
'Twas good, but a bit too short, expension would be nice. I think "burning" is better than "blasted". Just needs length.
Feb 21, 2007 -
Re: Chionophobia #31 /P
"he cleared his through," - I think you mean "throat". This was brilliant, you continue to amaze. Please can you give some anwers soon, the waiting is killing me.
Feb 20, 2007 -
Re: The Devil's Eyes
Lol. Not much there to criticise. The rhythym is nice, no grammar or spelling mistakes. It was very funny.
Feb 19, 2007 -
Re: Cloakroom graffiti
It should not have an apostrophe: "an imprint their owner’s have left behind." - "have" implies plural, so "owner's" would be "owners'". However, you only mean one "owner". Your phrase ...
Feb 18, 2007 -
Re: Chionophobia #29 /P
Whoa. I just read 1 to 29, non-stop. They flow from one to another just like a book, the character development and style are superb. I cannot wait to read ...
Feb 18, 2007 -
Re: Bottled Agitation
Sounds like a schizophrenic. It was very well put together, the line gaps added to the way in which the thought processes flow. This was completely unique, I don't think ...
Feb 18, 2007 -
Re: Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter?
The challenge is persent in understanding the connotations and allegories in the book. Any words are easy to "read", I did not phrase that well. Being challenged by a book ...
Feb 18, 2007 -
Re: Revisiting First grade
I agree with Misty and BFG. I especially liked the mpersonal touch at the beginning, it added profundity to the poem. It was brilliant.
Feb 15, 2007 -
Re: The Toothpaste Tragedy
lol, make it longer
Feb 15, 2007 -
Re: Glass Girl
"And that smile-that Aladdin-esque smile, it was a lie" - change the first dash to a comma or the later comma to a dash, i.e.: "And that smile, that Aladdin-esque ...
Feb 14, 2007 -
Re: The Cadaver
Me like, I like the omission of the indefinitive article in the first line. I cannot criticise.
Feb 14, 2007 -
Re: Remembering
I like this a lot. The rhythm is smooth and the rhyming is tastefully done. The theme is especially good, its very thoughtful. I can't criticise it.
Feb 13, 2007
