Nebesah

Alright, so I will be frank with you. I didn't read the whole thing. i read about a third of it, but, from what I can tell, you have good ...

I liked this too, but I felt that you need some punctuation, even if you only use periods because I had difficulty distinguishing one idea from another. Secondly, you had ...

I have to agree with Kat. This is on the short side for a first chapter; expanding it would make it more interesting. I really like the cynical-sarcastic thing you ...

Yay, Grammar Time!!! So, because this is so short, i'm just going to repost the whole thing and put my comments, good stuff, and bad stuff. She ignored her and ...

Let me start off by saying that this was really quite excellent. The plot is engrossing so far and I really enjoyed it. Your description of death was new and ...

alright, please don't take this personally, but it seems that many times when someone tries to point out helpful improvements to you, you have an excuse. I know this sounds ...

Alright, so before I tear your story apart grammatically (because that's just what I do, sorry) I'm going to try and be nice and point out good things first. The ...

I also really liked this. I'm a sucker when it comes to princess stories but this was good. Wanting to not be a princess instead of dreaming of becoming one ...

this was so terribly cheesy that I loved it. profession help this should be professional help, but other than that, i found no gramatical errors. Your story made me laugh ...

so, I've actually read the original "that voice" and i have to say that i almost liked the happy-go lucky Jimmy in that one better. This one was darker (duh, ...

I must agree with StoryWeaver13. This was rather cliche. Please don't be sad. I got kinda bored with the beginning because it's one of those we've all heard before. It ...

freckled strewn face so, to be grammatically correct, it would have to be "freckle-strewn" or "freckled face." I liked the spacing out of the two lines because they simply stood ...

Wow! Wow! and thrice times Wow! This was really good. I myself am one of those people who never cries. (I actually don't think I can.) So this really spoke ...

Alright, so I see you asked for a opinions only on the story and not of your grammatical errors, which, I must say, I found distracting to the feel of ...

so I feel like a really terrible person because I'm about to rip your story apart in attempt to help you better yourself. the sounds of the argument became louder ...