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Re: The Marathon of Hope Continues
It's great how you open it; got me reading and interested right away. Then you intrigued me even more with your second paragraph; sometimes, actually most of the time, asking ...
Apr 26, 2005 -
Re: My boy
You need to decide how you want the rhyming scheme right now; as it is, it sounds very disjointed in places as it has no specific pattern to it. Also, ...
Apr 25, 2005 -
Re: seven
Good piece of prose; provides a good snapshot of a specific moment in time. However, I did not quite get: "i could just open mouths and stick my scarlet tongue ...
Apr 25, 2005 -
Re: i shot dorothy gale [this ain't kansas] (13+)
I thought that it was a nicely done, and yes the "there is more to life" theme is not original, but neither are love poems. What marks a piece are ...
Apr 25, 2005 -
Re: American Ethnicity
I say Native American just because the term Indian can either apply to someone from Oklahoma or someone from India; it can get really confusing if use Indian for both. ...
Apr 6, 2005 -
Re: Dying...revised.
I think the last line would work better as: "The flame wavering into oblivion" since it makes the effect of it more immediate. The opening was awkward, but he poem ...
Mar 31, 2005 -
Re: Once there was a girl...
I really liked this; the poem has a unique feel to it, and many of the lines are eloquently written. The only real problem I had was with the third ...
Mar 31, 2005 -
Re: Cute and Cuddly Teddy Bears
My favorite teddy bear that I ever had was this bear that I called "Talking Bear" because he could repeat everything that I said. It broke some time ago and, ...
Mar 31, 2005 -
Re: .
I get to be contrarian :) It seems cliche to me; that is, I've read something like this or close to this a million times before. You need to update ...
Mar 2, 2005 -
Re: Newspaper-style report on the death of Alexander III
Hey, interesting article; I never head of King Alexander III before (indeed, I know very little about the Kings of Scotland even though that's where my family is from). You ...
Feb 26, 2005 -
Re: Infinite Moment
I thought this was very good; the opening grabbed my attention with its poetic descriptions and vivid language. I also like how you took time and care to introduce the ...
Feb 17, 2005 -
Re: my lil' intro
I got rid of the other two posts of this poem :) I like this; each stanza kind of stumbles over the next as if the speaker is trying to ...
Feb 17, 2005 -
Re: Home
Until I was eleven, my family moved around a lot since my dad was in the Navy back then; we lived in Idaho, Virginia, Connecticut, and Maryland before settling down ...
Feb 11, 2005 -
Re: Shakespeare
Actually, it has been side many times that if Shakespeare had written his plays today, he would've been called a plagerist. Only a couple of his plays were completely original, ...
Feb 3, 2005 -
Re: A life unwritten
It's good! The action at the end definitely held my attention and I found myself caught up in it; very nice. However, it does need to be fleshed out more, ...
Jan 27, 2005
