Published April 22, 2005
i looked through the rain, the rustling rain, with lustful silence and dark secrets in its drops.
in the madness of sweet, vast ice there were deep gashes and pot holes.
the smashed sheet of frozen, dirty water was melting in places and i felt like i was going to lose my balance.
hot scent of burgers and chips and warm cherry lipgloss is what will trigger memories of today. purple skates, rugby jersies, shiny blue trackpants: it's all meshed up into one and i'll miss it achingly.
i could just open mouths and stick my scarlet tongue into them it's such a reckless feeling sitting next to utter beauty on buses talking about being an only child and how damn small her apartment is.
the skies from the bus window are dizzy, swooning, bursting with glistening greyness. it's pure ecstacy as a dreaming drizzle start to squirm down and i sit back and listen to my own thoughts.
normal is what you aspire to be and what i'm fed up with. the shadows of normal knock upon my door and refuse to depart. i ignore them. i'm good at ignoring things; it's in my nature. i'm throwing stones out across the night at one am and my head throbs with smoky tiredness yet i go on throwing.
written: Thursday 9th September 2004, 10:05pm
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Good piece of prose; provides a good snapshot of a specific moment in time. However, I did not quite get:
"i could just open mouths and stick my scarlet tongue into them it's such a reckless feeling sitting next to utter beauty on buses talking about being an only child and how damn small her apartment is.:
Is reckless feeling referring to "sitting next..." or to "...stick my scarlet tongue"? The sentence does need some punctuation and seperation since it's just a run-on right now.
"hot scent of burgers and chips and warm cherry lipgloss is what will trigger memories of today. purple skates, rugby jersies, shiny blue trackpants: it's all meshed up into one and i'll miss it achingly. "
This part is very good, I though. It invokes an entire scene without delving elaborately into boring details.