MissGangamash

Hello! Here to review and get this out of the Green Room! 'I heard the so awaited scream' but then the voice is described as 'so gentle.' These two things ...

This was a very simple piece but also very effective. I understand this completely. It was like this when I came back home from uni and my parents just expected ...

I really like the 'what about the memories we had? What should I do with them?' it could be made more concise like 'I have so many memories of you, ...

Ah! What a cute little story, I loved it! Honestly I'm sat here smiling like an idiot. At first I was like, 'oh, that's an interesting way to meet someone.' ...

Hello! I really loved the 'trickle of water from the body showing a leak in my system' line! so poetic and beautiful. But after that it felt more like prose ...

Hello! I shall review as I read 'There was once a girl who's lost on her own' - the tenses are wrong her. 'There was once a girl' is past ...

Hello! I'll review as I read and then do an overall review. 'He was a tall man with gray hair. He was the one I was sold to. He was ...

Hello! I'll review as I read then do an overall review. I'm unsure why 'depression' and 'perfection' have capital letters, as 'perfection' doesn't have a capital letter later on. 'Even ...

Hello! I saw this in the Green Room so I thought I'd review! 'but with greatest grace.' - this just sounds a little odd to me? 'She slammed the phone ...

Hello! This is quite emotional. 'I become empty' - I'm a little confused by the tense choice here. Has something just happened to make the narrator suddenly empty or do ...

Hello! There's a lot of repetition here. 'Wall' is mentioned 8 times, if I've counted correctly. It makes the piece kinda clunky. Like, we get it, there's a wall. The ...

Hello! Okay, lets get into this. The narrative style is very stunted. There is not heart to it, no real sense of who Joseph is. All I know is he ...

Hello! 'Rained poured' - 'Rain poured'' Okay, strong start but it feels a bit detached that you mention the rain then jump straight into the character's thoughts. Maybe situate the ...

Hello! First off, formatting. This is just one chunky paragraph and should be separated into sections. When a new event happens, new paragraph. Speech, new paragraph. 'One morning a few ...

Hello! I saw the second chapter in the Green Room so I thought I'd check out the first. Okay, so we've jumped straight in here, which is fine, but I ...