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Inexorable

by Chairywrites


Inexorable. That would be the word I’d use to describe this situation. A giant wall stood between me and…. Well, I don’t know what was on the other side. But I knew that whatever was on the other side of this wall was something I truly wanted. I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end. I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall. I was as defeated as one could be. I had not a single ounce of resistance left. I sat there, in front of this enormous wall, hugging myself while I wept. This terrible boundary would keep me forever, never allowing me to reach the happy end on the other side. Finally, after a symphony of whales and cries my tears were all gone, dry as a desert that contained no oasis. I could no longer hate as I came to a calm. I realized that watering the ground below and shredding my throat would never get me anywhere. I had to keep trying to get past this barricade even if I die trying. At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me. The room was decorated for some kind of party or event. Then I saw him, the man I loved. He was near the other end of the room looking into my eyes. I looked back into his caramel eyes that contained happiness, excitement, but most of all love. I understood now, this wasn’t the happy ending I was hoping for. No, this was the happy beginning I desired. At that, I took my first step to a wonderful future.


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244 Reviews


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Wed Dec 08, 2021 3:38 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hello!

There's a lot of repetition here. 'Wall' is mentioned 8 times, if I've counted correctly. It makes the piece kinda clunky. Like, we get it, there's a wall. The sentences where you describe is as something else, like a 'barrier' or 'terrible boundary' work much better. Because this is all a metaphor, right? So this 'wall' doesn't need to constantly be referred to as a 'wall.'

whales = wails (whale is the animal)

Overall, I could see what you were trying to do with this. It is a piece about obstacles and not letting them defeat you. Learning that you can overcome anything and push forward if you change your perspective. This piece felt like just you could have gone deeper with it. It's very one note. Maybe going into a little bit more detail about the narrator. What has gotten them into this position? Why are they hopeless? What changes their mind? Just crying and then stopping crying doesn't really work on it's own. We need to feel the change.

Hope this helps!




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Wed Dec 08, 2021 1:09 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Chairywrites,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I'm taking the story apart like this so that we have a better overview of everything, because this massive section doesn't allow us to see directly where a section begins and where it ends.

Inexorable. That would be the word I’d use to describe this situation. A giant wall stood between me and…. Well, I don’t know what was on the other side.

Very, very good start. You build a question in the reader and you work to develop it as elaborately as possible without going to extremes. I like that point of view, that we get it from a first-person narrator's perspective, which makes the story come through nicely.

But I knew that whatever was on the other side of this wall was something I truly wanted. I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end.

You build tension here but you also create "anti-tension". Your sentence structure is good for one or two repetitions, but it becomes tiring to read over time and creates an "indifference" in the reader. I would at least try to make the shorter sentences a little longer, then we won't have the feeling of being exhausted.

I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall. I was as defeated as one could be. I had not a single ounce of resistance left. I sat there, in front of this enormous wall, hugging myself while I wept. This terrible boundary would keep me forever, never allowing me to reach the happy end on the other side. Finally, after a symphony of whales and cries my tears were all gone, dry as a desert that contained no oasis. I could no longer hate as I came to a calm. I realized that watering the ground below and shredding my throat would never get me anywhere.

This alone would be a good section instead of having this big paragraph. I like how you create a philosophical context here and it also builds up the story. The perspective is crucial here again and how it develops.

I had to keep trying to get past this barricade even if I die trying. At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me. The room was decorated for some kind of party or event. Then I saw him, the man I loved. He was near the other end of the room looking into my eyes. I looked back into his caramel eyes that contained happiness, excitement, but most of all love. I understood now, this wasn’t the happy ending I was hoping for. No, this was the happy beginning I desired. At that, I took my first step to a wonderful future.

The whole story seems like a string of thoughts that multiply here but at the same time collapse. At the same time, one notices that there are still places that need to be expanded a little. In terms of the structure of the story, I think it develops into something very solid and exciting, but from the other side, you notice that there are still some places that need to be worked on a bit, so that the literary reading flow of the text is increased.

In general, it is an interesting story and I can well imagine that this is something that could lead to a longer novel.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Mon Dec 06, 2021 5:20 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Hey! Andrew here for a review! Welcome to the site! I have to say you really embraced the short part of the short story. I'd almost call this a poem in it's metaphorical language and flowy quality. I'd agree with Harry that it feels almost dreamlike. I'd critique your lack of paragraph breaks, but that seems like a part of its strange flow, so I won't say anything there.
I am still trying to figure out exactly what the wall signifies? Or rather, what the wall is keeping back? Adulthood? Joy? Being loved? Death? I admit I find the use of an infinite wall an interesting literary device and metaphor, so you got me there, I love the idea of impassible walls, and all you can do wonder is what is on the other side.
But into specifics.
I like a story that's title is also its first sentence, so that's fun to see, and the feeling of inexorability might truly be the object of the story, forget what's on the other side, just the idea of not being able to get there is the true horror. Which is a horror we've all experienced.

I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end. I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall.

These descriptions, though powerful and using a strong vocabulary, lack an amount of complexity which I think could really drive home the indestructibility of that wall. I'd like to hear some more metaphorical and less literal language into how truly impassible it was. But, once again, you could be attempting to draw my attention to how literal and unfettered by metaphor and description the raw language about the wall is.
I realized that feeling down would never get me anywhere.

I'd say that compared to your power verbs before 'feeling down' sounds weak, especially for all the crying and gnashing of teeth that seems to be occurring.
At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me.

This transition if definitely interesting, I like how the wall shrunk to a curb and the shrunk to nothing, but then the abrupt change to a new wall with a doorway in it was a bit jarring. Unless the doorway is just standing in open space, like a portal, then that'd be interesting. Either way, a little bit of a clarifying description might be nice.
But that's all just my two cents! Hope it helped! This story was decently interesting and a bit trippy.
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew




Chairywrites says...


Hello there! First off, I'd just like to say thank you for the very thorough review. I truly appreciate it. But onto the first thing you mentioned, now that you said something about the "Feeling down" line I agree that it was an understatement for what happened. I'll be taking that into future consideration when writing other stories. For the second thing, you mentioned, the wall didn't turn into a curb. I used that word to show that the wall meant nothing to the protagonist. But for the third and final mention, when everything faded away and then the doorway appeared I thought of it as the wall was just the stress and anxiety. But when the protagonist overcame the fear they felt for the wall it disappeared and they went back to what was really happening. Also, when writing I thought of them being back to the real world that the protagonist was about to walk down the aisle to get married.

I hope this really helped you understand more.

But, before I send this out I'd like to add a few more details that might help you understand. First off, I wrote this to try and inspire people that if they lose the fear they wear or gain the courage to fight against something. That they'll finally gain the thing they were striving for. Also about the name and first sentence of the story, I heard that word in a song and it really caught my eye. So after I heard inexorable I got the description of it and wanted to write a story about it that may inspire or entertain the reader.

Again your review was very helpful and I'll take everything to heart.
I hope you have a goodnight/morning.

Sincerely,
Chairywrites.



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Mon Dec 06, 2021 6:44 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Inexorable. That would be the word I’d use to describe this situation. A giant wall stood between me and…. Well, I don’t know what was on the other side. But I knew that whatever was on the other side of this wall was something I truly wanted. I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end. I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall. I was as defeated as one could be. I had not a single ounce of resistance left. I sat there, in front of this enormous wall, hugging myself while I wept. This terrible boundary would keep me forever, never allowing me to reach the happy end on the other side. Finally, after a symphony of whales and cries my tears were all gone, dry as a desert that contained no oasis. I could no longer hate as I came to a calm. I realized that feeling down would never get me anywhere. I had to keep trying to get past this barricade even if I die trying. At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me. The room was decorated for some kind of party or event. Then I saw him, the man I loved. He was near the other end of the room looking into my eyes. I looked back into his caramel eyes that contained happiness, excitement, but most of all love. I understood now, this wasn’t the happy ending I was hoping for. No, this was the happy beginning I desired. At that, I took my first step to a wonderful future.


Okayy...so this was an interesting little piece. It was a pretty short one but I think you manage to convey quite a message here even in this short span of time and there's almost a sense of a bit of a journey that you send us readers through with this character and their emotions here. Its a powerful little piece despite its size.

The description of that wall there to start off with was really well done. Its clearly meant to be more of a mental wall than anything else, or at least that is the feeling I got. The images you tried to bring across here all felt more like feelings and emotions rather than an actual physical wall and then this particular path gets pretty much confirmed with how this piece ends.

There this takes on almost dreamlike quality there with the method you've used to blend one particular image to the next and the very clear emotional shift towards hope and a beginning as you put it there creates a lovely little message there and I love this ending here. Its a nice little quote there.

Overall, it was pretty short, but a surprisingly impactful little piece here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Chairywrites says...


Hello there, thank you for the review it really made my night. Also, I'm really glad you caught on to the emotional wall than a physical one. But, I wrote this with very little detail with some parts so that the reader would infer about something or have their own opinion about what happened in the story.

Again, I'd like to thank you for the very nice and considerate review.

Sincerely,
Chairywrites.



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D




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