Milanimo

Hi! So on first glance, I noticed you have two huge paragraphs in the chapter. You really want to break those up. The reader needs to take a break, or ...

Hello! I think this work sounds too casual. Writing as if you're speaking to someone can help you sound less uptight, but in this instance, it's just too casual. You ...

Hi! Sorry it took so long for a second review! "I landed head and shoulder first after being thrown into the room. I gawked at the scene of terrors in ...

Hello! Sorry it took so long to get you out of the review room. "my upper back and one in my right knee" This seems like too much information. Because ...

So, I'll go straight to my review. This chapter has too many sentences and paragraphs that are just sentences. You can definitely combine some sentences to try and make some ...

Hello! “Can't you hear me!" You should use a question mark here, not an exclamation. If you really want to emphasize the yelling, use "?!". "Mutt, there's mutt out of ...

Hello! "Waking up without squeezing every last second out of my bed was not something I usually did." This sentence is a bit confusing and I can't really tell what ...

Hi! I really like this piece. It's very sad and unfortunate, but I guess that's what humans are drawn to. In your second and third paragraph, you need to capitalize ...

This poem is great. It has lots of description and imagery, and the theme is used throughout all parts. Superb job. Although, I recommend breaking up into another stanza here: ...

Hello! I have to say, @SubtleSanity covered a lot of what I would say. "Walking in just as the preacher was about to begin speaking Jeremy stumbled into his seat. ...

Hi! I really enjoy this work and I like how in depth and emotional this poem is. Personally, I think that this piece is great and you should keep it. ...

This is a very mysterious piece. It borders on prose poetry and short story, so other and general suit it well for categorizing. Well, I really like this. It's very ...

Hi! Great job here. I really like how you kept to a common theme and embedded it thought the work. It's very important to stick to the point. I recommend ...

Great job. I literally have no critiques. 1. Your characters are well thought out and have both internal and external thoughts and emotions. I really enjoy how you mixed together ...

Hey! This is very well written. Very clear, concise and very well thought out. Just a few nit picky things here, though: "so despicable. So detestable?" You might want to ...