As I sit across the table from her, watching her lips move. I try to think about the last time I kissed those lips and if it was a good enough memory to last me.
If I regret anything in this life, it wouldn't be any of the things I did, but all the things that I didn't do.
If I could go back in time freely, I wouldn't change a thing between us. I would only relive the moments we had together over and over until the time stream broke and I could hold her in my arms for an eternity in the blink of an eye. We would share a thousand lifetimes together before the passing of a single moment, because it would take a little longer than forever to truly express the depths of my love for her.
If I were to die right now my only hope would be that I could be reincarnated as a butterfly because she loves butterflies and I'd want nothing more than to be loved by her again.
As I look across the table at her speaking, I realize that I'm not listening and that is why we're here in the first place. That I've spent too much time imagining our forevers instead of living in the now. I spent too much time planning our tomorrows instead of enjoying our today. It makes me sad because If I could I would record her every word and spend the rest of my life listening as if they were the most beautiful song ever written.
Pause
Rewind
Play
Searching through every word to find a time when she still loved me.
She can have it all. Especially the mirrors. Take all of them because I can't bear to look at the me that I am without her. It's a lonely face that I can't recognize. The face of a man who let love slip out of his hands. She can have it all, I don't want a bed that I can't share with her, a kitchen table without her on the other side, a tv to watch alone, a house that doesn't smell of her. Just let me keep my memories. The memory of who we used to be. Memories of a better time, before all of these irreconcilable differences.
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi!
I really like this piece. It's very sad and unfortunate, but I guess that's what humans are drawn to.
In your second and third paragraph, you need to capitalize the "i"s.
That's really my only critique.
I just wonder what it was that caused a wall to come up between the two. It seems the narrator is still very much in love with the woman sitting across from him, so why can't he seem to reconcile with her? I'd like some more insight into what cannot be fixed between the two, and why this man is so desperate. It seems like a plot hole that just hasn't been filled for the reader to see.
I like how you described feelings and flashbacks, but did not stray too far from the table scene. It's important to try and stay connected to the point, especially in poetry, where meanings can be extremely broad and as a writer you can get caught up in the idea.
All I could critique is more specificity into what went wrong between the couple, and maybe how they met, or more specific instances into their relationship. Nights they spent together or something like that. Specific experiences always gives the reader something they can easily connect to.
That's all I really have for you. Keep writing!
Oh, wow! This is absolutely amazing!
I like how it's all prose-y in it's formatting, but it's really poetry at heart. The word choice is so poetic and lyrical. It captures a distinct feeling of love and remorse. The poem/story (I think it's a poem) is vague, but in the good way. It doesn't give us too much information about when or where or details with why this is happening, it's short and sweet and to the point, and I like that.
I love this line so much. Just... love.
I can't think of what else to say, because this was just so perfectly written. Very poignant. It almost had me in tears at the end, and that's not easy to pull off with me.
Very, very well done! You did a fantastic job with this. Keep up the amazing work!