MidnightGladius

Alrighty. Here's some streaming feedback for you to dwell upon :) The hearts are "waiting" to be bled dry? Odd usage - makes it seem as if the bleeding is ...

One thing this time: binary suns. I'm not sure of how you've set this up astronomically speaking, but planets in a binary system behave very differently than those in single-star ...

Your voice is a bit confusing, but I think some of that is attributable to slight typos and miscellaneous errors. The advice it seems I'm giving to a lot of ...

Wait, what? That was essentially the pervasive feeling for me. Certain things just didn't make sense, or perhaps were expressed incorrectly, or were ambiguous. One thing I do during editing ...

Whoa. I have no idea where you're taking this, but damn will I be keeping track of it. You've just described a highly tangible set of motives and opportunities, and ...

Intriguing. Could you please do us a favor and italicize/otherwise distinguish the parts that are inside the Golden Book? At first, I thought you had a massive typo block, and ...

Alright, there's a lot of places where I get the feeling that you mean to say something, but that it just doesn't come across. I'm not the greatest at doing ...

The preface was interesting. It's a thought I've had myself on several occasions - what would prevent society from realizing that it's existing under a massive delusion? Unfortunately, with the ...

I didn't know we were allowed to bump our work... but the heck with it, here we go :) The opening conversation struck me as a bit odd. A mechanism ...

Good writing, but one thing stood out as very, very strange. If there's a small village outside of Aquila that's within a few hours' ride from the capitol, and there's ...

Hmm, there isn't much to say beyond what clograbby already mentioned in terms of minor grammatical errors. Since this is a prologue, and you obviously have things planned out, it's ...

This is a wonderful concept of modification through collective belief. It seems that this deals with the societal treatment of belonging, and how we try to understand our place and ...

Intriguing... very interesting. The first thing I had to consider was: is this for real? You mentioned yourself that Mikhail's judgments couldn't be entirely reliable, but I'm wondering whether his ...

Clograbby has already made several good points, and I'll expand on a few broader questions and comments. This will ramble a bit, and it'll probably end as a slightly collected ...

Alrighty. First, let me just say - much, much better. A lot of the things I mentioned in the prologue don't apply at all here: the grammar seemed good, the ...