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Young Writers Society



A quest for the heir of the phoenix ~ chapter one part b

by Sorsha2


* continuation of chapter one part a and the end of chapter one*

“It’s the senate.” Sorsha said at last, her voice cool and calm but undeniably firm and authoritative. She had reached her sixty-eighth year and was still gorgeous. Her figure slim but with more rounded curves from motherhood. Her fiery red mane, deep and rich in color, was free from any traces of silver or age. Like Lylle, she also opted to wear it in a careless braid which also suited her delicate features. “The Council has requested that your father and I go before them. Something has happened out in the North eastern city of Aquila. The villagers have fled and they have said something about a foreigner has claimed the city and killed Lord Maycrus, they also said that this intruder brought with him swarms of Creyporians and Dregardians.”

“Dregardians?” Valdez spoke up loudly, almost jumping at hearing the name. “But they are from the Far Regions; no one has crossed the barrier since it was set up nearly a thousand years ago shortly after the Great War between men and elves. We have guards out patrolling the bordering cities to the North, the only way into the Far Regions; none of our posts have sent word that anyone has crossed into our lands…and there is no way that they could have missed such an army needed to storm Aquila.” Sorsha nodded, raising her hand as if to signal that she both understood and agreed with her eldest son.

“Having said that,” Sorsha continued. “Creyporians are a mercenary clan, known to sell their swords to the highest bidder. Our scouts had also been trailing them for the last ten years, keeping an eye on their numbers and camps. One of our spies returned to us last night and spoke of having seen a dark figure enter the camp flanked by three women, within seconds the entire army and camp vanished from sight, leaving only the tents and burning fires behind them. I believe that like the Creyporians, the Dregardians were transported to Aquila by means of magic.”

The room fell silent once more.

“But such a feat would require immense power, since the time of Order all those who practice magic must be registered and approved by the Council and they are closely monitored.” Sanson said. His tone was filled with disbelief. “No one is allowed to exceed level three of mage. There are none strong enough who could have carried out such a spell and lived to perform it yet again and not have their life’s force drained to near death.”

“You don’t honestly think that everyone follows the laws of the Senate do you?” Lylle retaliated. Sanson opened his mouth to contest but fell short of finding the right words to argue.

“Needless to say I don’t think that the scout was lying or exaggerating in his claim.” Sorsha spoke up at last trying to quell any further rebukes from Lylle. “His summation of the encounter and what he had seen was far too accurate—as your father and I have seen such a spell performed on two separate occasions. I think that there is in fact someone out there and we need to find out who and what they are after.” Sorsha’s odd-colored eyes of blue and green swept over all the faces, searching for signs of protest or disagreement and found none.

“Very well, Lylle I want both you and Valdez to journey into the small village of Baymir outside of Aquila, it’s only a few hours ride. Look for the small shop called Aristep, it’s run by a stout, barrel-chested man named Gilch—he’s a petty crook and one of our best informants. If there is anyone out there practicing illegal magic, one way or another he’ll know.” Sorsha paused and then lifted her eyes to Lylle and felt a swell of motherly pride.

She may have been the youngest, small in form and features, but she was strong, resiliant, capable and intelligent beyond her years. It brought joy to Sorsha's heart everytime the realization struck her, just as it did now.

“He may need a little persuasion,” Sorsha said at last and caught Lylle’s bemused gaze as her mother reached for something at her side and then tossed a thick coil of leather cord at Lylle’s feet.

“If memory serves me correctly, a whip should do the trick.”


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Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:02 pm
Sorsha2 says...



thank you both so much for the reviews and comments :)

MG - to answer your questions, Baymir is a few hours from Finalia where the Council is stationed. They are not worried about any problems as of yet since they don't know who or what they are dealing with but the situation is being taken quite seriously. In the next chapter we're introduced to the Council and a plan is set into motion, perhaps I should stress that point more in this chapter as well.

Also, the person they are dealing with is a man who was ressurected (explained in the first book) if that's not really clear now then it will be in the next chapter as that's where the villian is given a name and the details of his past laid out on the table so to speak. And to highlight a point, Valdez argues that no one is strong enough to handle the after effects of such a draining spell, at which point Lylle retorts with: "You don't think everyone follows the laws of the Senate do you?"

So yes it is illegal for someone to practice magic above a certain stage since they want to control those who practice and keep them from being as strong as the previous villian, however just because there are laws and rules does not mean that everyone abides by them.

I will take your observations into consideration :) Thanks again.




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Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:49 pm
MidnightGladius wrote a review...



Good writing, but one thing stood out as very, very strange.

If there's a small village outside of Aquila that's within a few hours' ride from the capitol, and there's a large foreign army in Aquila, wouldn't everyone be a LOT more concerned?

Also, if no one has the magical power to teleport anymore, how can a spy from the Creyporians report almost immediately after their deployment? Unless, of course, individual teleportation is still possible, but group teleportation isn't.

Things to consider.




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164 Reviews


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Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:46 pm
Poltergiest wrote a review...



:D It rules. I like how theres a definate plot now but I wish it was longer. That being said I really don't know what else to say, sorry... Post more please.

-Pol :)





There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
— William Shakespeare