Meep

Okay. This is a really tough topic, and it is hard to work with, so let me give it a shot. First, and don't take this the wrong way:if this ...

I hate my life . I hate it so [s]bad[/s] bad I wanna cry . I never want to be anyone [1] I just rather be gone. "Please dear God, ...

First thought: infodump. *yawn* If that's not actually part of the story - which I hope it isn't - don't post it; we'll figure it out as we go along ...

My first thought is: what is a kid named Asriel doing in a modern fantasy, which I have to assume this is? Asriel is just not the kind of name ...

Cornelius, relax. I'm a non-smoker. I'm also perfectly aware that I might drop dead as soon as I post this. That does not change the fact that cigarette smoke is ...

My first thought: preachy. I'm a Godless Heathen™, but I'm not against religious poetry. What makes this one sound preachy, I think, is the repetition of "God knew ..." I ...

This is adorable! It's so cute, it sounds like the kind of thing that would go well in a children's book, with little illustrations and ... right, on to the ...

Mmmm, puppyshipping! Okay, now that I've got that out of the way ... ( :oops: ) The fic itself was ... so-so. I've read a lot of SB/RL fic (and ...

I think it's a little goofy, and while it's not, like, stellar, award winning poetry it was a really amusing little poem. The only line I didn't like was the ...

I agree with Via: push the metaphor further. At first I thought he was chasing a girl, and that in itself is a metaphor for something else. Sit down and ...

H'okay, so. My first issue with this poem is not even the poem. It's the line about rape. Rape is not sexy. There's a huge difference between a rape fantasy/role ...

Harry gazed over at the bed next to his. Draco’s [s]body[/s] torso or chest was rising and falling evenly. He must be asleep , Harry thought. Careful not to make ...

Whooeee, here we go. As it is now, I don't think that this is any good at all. However, I think the idea has some potential. I am a great ...

Honestly? It does nothing for me. I think I might be able to see what you were trying to do here, but it really just reads like a bunch of ...

I think this belongs in writing activities, not here. Anyway, in defense of my_wonderwall, I'm wondering if this was a school assignment? I had to do something similar, only I ...