z

Young Writers Society



Nope

by BohemeMistress


Deleted.

I removed this because I wrote and posted it over three years ago and no longer want it on the internet. Also people seem to be shocked and scared by fanfiction--as someone now three years older than the person who wrote this, I understand--however in the most immature and uneducated of ways. I'll take the fall for my three-years-ago self's attempt at sexuality, but being scolded for it and told off with little respect for grammar is not something I'm interested in. I’m glad I was somehow not able to receive e-mails telling me when my story was commented on, because I was young enough back then that someone using the phrase ‘yuck!’ might have upset me.

Enjoy the real world.

--Any comments/messages will not be received.


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Tue May 13, 2008 9:20 am
budding writer wrote a review...



the first thing i would say is yuck ! how could you ? harry potter series is one of the best books and i really hate what you just open. that was plain disgusting and personally i wonder why you even posted it. okay i get it, its not real but its seems like you are insulting the author and the books which have been loved by kids all over the world. i advise you not to write something like this again. if it were not based on harry potter then i would have said ' wonderful'.




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Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:12 am
mikedb1492 wrote a review...



Holy crap. When I first started reading it I thought this was going to happen, but I thought to myself, "No way, who would do that?" Then I kept reading it.... All I could think was, "What would J.K. Rolling say?" It would probably have something to do with you getting the characters mixed up with Dumbledore and Grindelwald. But who knows.




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Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:34 pm
Louisa Clack says...



Awwh. Gay love. Poor Ginny.

Lol.

Nver read anything like this before, new way to look at thing I guess haha. Very funny.

Dumbledore next?

x




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Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:21 am
Meep wrote a review...



BohemeMistress wrote:Harry gazed over at the bed next to his. Draco’s [s]body[/s] torso or chest was rising and falling evenly.

He must be asleep, Harry thought. Careful not to make the tired mattress creek, Harry got up and walked over to where his life long enemy was sleeping peacefully.

He cocked his head to the side slightly, [s]imagining[/s] wondering what [s]he[/s] Draco could be dreaming about. For [s]a kid[/s] someone who had just had to relive all the horrors of his life in court only hours ago, he seemed to be at total peace.

Slowly, Harry placed his knee on the bed, pushing down carefully until all of his weight was reste[s]d[/s]ing on the mattress. When Draco’s eyes didn’t [s]dark[/s] dart open right away, Harry leaned over to the boy’s ear. He moved Draco’s platinum blonde hair out of his softly closed eyes, then, smiling, Harry leaned closer to the sleeping boy and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Draco moved slightly, pulling the blankets together as if they were a childhood toy and purring lightly into his pillow.

For a moment, Harry studied Draco, again trying to see through him into his dreams.

Harry put his hand to Draco’s sealed lips, then softly guided his hand down his chest. [s]the boy[/s] Draco didn't stir at all. Harry stopped at Draco’s most intimate place. Again, he checked the blonde to make sure he was still sleeping. Timidly, a mixture of [s]excietment[/s] excitement and fear built up in his stomach, he began to stroke and cup Draco, rounding his finger and moving up and down the blonde’s shaft. Harry forgot his [s]inhabitions[/s] inhibitions as he leaned over Draco, watching him tense slightly beneath him. Draco’s unconscious stirring became more frequent as he got harder.

When Draco began to sweetly moan to Harry’s rhythm, he put his head to the back of Draco’s, feeding of his sleeping energy. When Draco’s erection was almost as strong as Harry’s, and his moans became broken with gasps, Harry released his sleeping lover and descended to his own bed as quickly as he could. Lying under the covers, his heart beating and his cock hard, Harry listened as Draco lurched forward, panting into the dark room. He moaned slightly, and Harry imagined him running his hands through his hair, staring down at his now enormous erection.

With a clamor, Harry heard Draco scramble out of bed, still breathing deeply, trying to find something in the dark.

Harry heard Draco’s trunk close with a slight thunk and he suddenly realized what he had been searching for. A guilty pleasure ran through his spine as Draco walked slowly towards Harry’s bed, making sure he was asleep so he could pleasure himself in peace, all the while Harry was stroking his own hard-on.

Grunting slightly, Harry heard Draco pour some of the lotion (or lube, Harry wasn’t sure) onto his hands. Draco’s breathing intensified as he held back each cry of pleasure.

I’d better go help him, Harry thought, a devilish smile etching onto his face. After all[s]...[/s], I started it.

Harry [s]slinked[/s] slunk off [s]the[/s] his bed as a distracted Prince of Slytherin continued to pound away at himself, gasping and grunting and he buried his face into the sheets.

For the second time that night, Harry climbed onto Draco’s bed and placed a hand on him. Draco moaned louder than he had before, placing his hand on top of Harry’s, leading him forcefully up and down his shaft. As he did, Harry brought his hips closer to Draco’s back. Harry moaned into the kisses he was leaving on Draco’s neck as the Slytherin prince gasped and pushed back, rotating his hips and Harry pushed forward again and again and again.

They were separated now only by Harry’s boxers.

As their movements got faster and harder, Draco, his eyes half open and his voice weak from the ecstasy all around him, looked back at the boy he hated for six years and ordered, “Take them off, Potter.”

Harry nibbled greedily on Draco’s earlobe and cried out with anticipation as he slide his hand down Draco’s body again, this time trailing his back till he reached his arse. Pushing harder and harder against Draco, not wanting this feeling to end even for a moment, he grabbed Draco’s arse hastily before pulling down his own boxers.
For a second, all motioned stopped as Harry placed himself at Draco’s entrance, overcome by what was about to happen.

“Mmm…ahhh…” Draco breathed. Harry could see he was clutching the bed sheets in anticipation. Harry slid his hands to his hips. Running his hand over Draco's flesh, he was surprised at how moist he had become. Slowly, Harry forced himself into Draco, as each boy cried out the others name.

Draco arched his back and continued his rotating pattern, moaning louder and louder as Harry thrust deeper and deeper.

“Don’t ...stop…” Draco gasped, not caring how sweaty and hot the room had become. Harry, as if proving to Draco he wouldn’t, pulled Draco closer and enclosed his legs around him.

[s]([/s]Harry moaned again and again into the blonde ear, occasionally showering his neck with light wet kisses.[s])[/s]

They came together in unison, exhausted and satisfied like neither had ever been before. That night, Draco fell asleep in Harry’s arms. What dreams he’d had before were replaced with memories of Harry he’d never had.


Okay, first thing's first: why Harry/Draco? It's not one of my pairings, but it is a bizarre one and there's a lot you could do with it. This could be two random OCs for all it has to do with canon. So, how do you fix it?
Tell us about their relationship! What angle are you going for, here? It didn't seem like grudge sex ("mortal enemies have the hottest sex"), nor did it seem like there was any unresolved sexual tension between them ("all of our bickering was because we secretly lusted after each other!") and there's no mention of how they feel towards one another: do they really love each other, do they just lust after one another, are they just using each other for sex? I mean, I understand that this is a piece without plot, but you still need some characterization.

Second, sleep!sex is weird. Put yourself in Draco's place. How would you like it if someone else felt you up in your sleep? It's creepy.

(Also, a few little things: the "burying one's face in the sheets" thing is usually a girl (ie: biologically female) thing, saying "the boy/the blond" is obnoxious, and why, for the love of God, are they not using any lube?)

I'm also going to suggest you go look up some slash writing tips. I would start at Minotaur's Sex Tips for Slash Writers. (Also, read good slash. I've got a list of recs about as long as my arm, and it's not hard to find.)

... all of that being said, this really isn't bad smut. It's not great smut, but I've seen worse.

[soapbox]Vampy, dear, Draco is not "the girl." He's the uke/bottom/catcher/receiving partner.[/soapbox]




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Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:39 am
CrimsonRose says...



god. never read slash before.. shocked yet suprised at how well you write this.




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Mon Oct 09, 2006 5:35 am
VampX13 wrote a review...



Have they done this before? Because you would think it would be a little more painful. (And why is Draco the girl, harumph?)

I think this has a particularly nice build to it and good pacing.

If there were anything I could change about the fanfic would be maybe more of a back-story and perhaps a different pairing as I don't really like the Harry/Draco pairing but whatever floats your boat, m'dear.

Well written.





And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk