Meep

With all my heart I loved her; with her's I. ... wait, what? The grammar totally went to hell there, especially in that second part. The first part makes sense, ...

I don't ... get it. I feel like it should be funny, but it didn't work for me. I think it was a little too random and underdeveloped. I think ...

I liked this. I really liked this. I particularly liked how you didn't come out and say "the atomic bomb," but left that for the reader to figure out. (I ...

I like where this is going. I think that the ending is a little to final to be "part one," if you see what I mean. It could be read ...

Can you not post in purple? Black is much easier on the eyes. :oops: Not enough to get drunk by anyway. I think , and I could be wrong, that ...

Can you take out "the weather was quite nasty" and replace it with more description? You mention that the sky was "[t]he sky was as gray as the concrete under ...

(I don't think I have the time or attention span to finish this all in one go, but ...) First off, razor blades don't rip, they slice. You also mention ...

First things first, can you double space between your paragraphs? It makes for much easier reading. :oops: I think your biggest problem is dialogue. It seems really stiff and unnatural, ...

He span on his heel. "Span" here should be "spun," I believe. Anyway, there are a few continuity/logical errors that I spotted. First was that, since I'm assuming this takes ...

I know, you aren't supposed to respond to other people's reviews, but I have to say this: try not to put too much into zomg, she's not pretty! or she'll ...

At first, I thought that she was actually writing to her aunt, Clara, and I was like omgwtf, because my aunties are the last people I would tell if I ...

She’d risen at 6:00 a.m., eaten breakfast and spent the whole day working on new dress designs for her studio. This is really just a personal preference, but I find ...

While I really liked what you were going for, I think a little more description about the character's emotion would be helpful. I'm not sure that direct description would be ...

Rasi is the name of one of my characters in the game MXO. .. This is her story... ( its really bad!!)!! 1. I think this belongs in the Fanfiction ...

(Wouldja mind copy & pasting the text? I noticed you did this in your other thread, too. It's kindof a pain in the ass. *meep*) “That sucks.” ... that just ...