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Young Writers Society



Rasi's story

by Rasi


Rasi is the name of one of my characters in the game MXO. .. This is her story... ( its really bad!!)!!

I had been getting strange phone calls.... People calling and leaving messages, saying they need to speak with me .. but they won't leave a number or name.... I finally anwsered the phone when they called,

"Rasi, we have been watching you... we know where you live .... and where you work. We know that you have been looking for anwsers, you know its real Rasi......"

" Who is this.... What do you want???" My voice was trembling.

"Rasi, listen we are running out of time..... You need to meet me at Club Hel, your usual hang out."

CLICK They hung up....

I had a choice to make, and I made it. I went to Club Hel, seeking

answers and a person I had never met! I went in, people I had met there before coming up to greet me. I knew a lot of people from clubs, I hung out there a lot.

"Hello Rasi," I spun around, to see who was speaking. It was a women in black, total black.

"Hello, how did you know my name?"

" I know a lot more than your name Rasi. I can tell you about every student that you work with, and why you chose the job that you did. I can tell you that you have been getting phone calls from three strangers quite often... and I came here to tell you that it is real, the Matrix is more than you ever dreamed. Rasi, you can make the choice tonight, you can follow me and figure out if what you've always questioned is real, or you can walk away, and go back to work tomorrow not knowing."

" Ok.... slow down. You want me to follow you, but to where.... and I cant just disappear ... .can I ?"

" Come with me."

I followed her outside, trying to figure out who she was... her face reminded me of someone.. but who?? When we left, I tried asking where we were going but she refused to tell me… she said I would know soon enough. So, I tried another question!

“ So.. . if you won’t tell me where we are going .. you can at least tell me your name!”

“ My name is, Wendire..” she, sounded like she was sad…to say her name???

I was racking my brain… why do I know that name… who is she… Ohhhhhhh!

“ You mean like the Kung fu master who went missing… is it really you??”

“ Yes…” she still sounded kind of sad… to be recognized?? “ I am, and I have an experiment, which you must be part of Rasi, you must do as I say…. No matter what happens. This experiment must be done… You must fight me!”

She must be crazy… me fight her, Ha! I wouldn’t last a minute….

“Yes you will… you must trust me Rasi.. do as I say! You told me you couldn’t just disappear… but you can.. you can leave this place You can be free. But you MUST do as I say! If you don’t then this wont work and they will come for you Rasi….”

When she finally stopped walking, I noticed that we were in the City Park! She sat on a bench away from the few people that were out on a late night stroll …Kinda like life used to be…… She motioned for me to sit next to her, after sitting I asked her what this experiment was supposed to do… what was its purpose..?

“Rasi, I know that lately, when you have sparred you have felt a fleeting freedom.. You have moved faster than you ever thought possible… you have had dreams that you did the impossible, but in those dreams felt more awake… then when you thought you really were….”

She paused waiting for me to say something…. But I couldn’t she knew more about me than most people that I actually knew…. How… how can she know all this… has she been spying on me….??

“Rasi, don’t me scared, I came to you so that I could help you be free…” Once again I heard this .. sad tone in her voice.. what could it be… what is bothering her so???

“ Mam… Wendire… Tell me, is something bothering you.. about this ‘experiment’ maybe???”

She shook her head, and looked at me in surprise… “You really don’t recognize me do you????”

I looked at her... trying to see.. was I missing something?

I ...wait !!!

"Are you.. you cant be... Windy?!!!!"

"Windy..." She laughed as she said it... " Its been a long time since I heard that name."

"But ... Windy went missing .... it was so long ago..... "

"But now, I am here, and we must finish what I came to start."

I started crying, this was more than I could take she was trying to convince me that she was my missing sister!!!!!!!!!

" Rasi, their coming .... we must hurry!"

We stood, and she jumped me, I started to defend myself but found it hard to try and harm ... my sister!

She hit harder and harder, until I had to fight back, and I fought... but got faster and faster as we fought... and suddenly....................

And then.. I woke up, I was sitting in my room on the Osirus. I looked into the faces of my friends and shipmates standing above me.. ... I had just awoken from one of my horrid dreams of my past... They all think I am crazy, I wake up sweating and as scared as I could possibly be.. But tell them I am fine. Ha, how long do I think this will last? Not much longer, I have been having the dreams for the past year, I know my past, but do not want to face it...

I killed her, my sister thats what they told me when I woke up. When I found the Matrix to be real, they told me how I had gotten out, and that it would not have been possible without her. But, somehow I know,... I just know that she is not dead, she is out there somewhere... she is waiting, for me..................................

They all tell me this is not needed and that she is dead, but I will tell you now, that until I see that she is dead I will not believe it, I know that I did not kill her.. and if someone else did, then they will pay an unimaginable price for what they have done.

some of my truest friends have told me that I am totally insane... but you tell me, am I?

And so here I am now, working for the Merovingian. I know she is out there, and I plan to find her. But until then, I shall find new ways to do things, and new things to do. I know that there is a way to let go, but should I really let her go, even though I dont really know if she is gone? For all I know she could now be one of my merv, "sisters". But I guess that unless she decides to reveal herself to me, that there is almost no way that I shall ever know......


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Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:29 am
Misty wrote a review...



Hey~

I second Meep in; if it's really bad, why should you post it? And why should I read it? However, I DID read it, despite your trying to convince me not to :P. I didn't get a lot out of it though, except a near word-for-word rescripting of the original Matrix, only, with a new, vaguely uninteresting, and moderately unarticulate character. Fab.

I guess I would encourage you to "write about your life" as you put it. Write more on things you know. People you know. Something that your reader can connect to. Something you would maybe connect to, if you read it.

Write about what you love and I am sure you will thrive.

~Misty~




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Sun Mar 04, 2007 11:51 pm
Meep wrote a review...



Rasi wrote:Rasi is the name of one of my characters in the game MXO. .. This is her story... ( its really bad!!)!!

1. I think this belongs in the Fanfiction subforum. (Although I'm not familiar with MXO.)
2. If it's really bad, why did you post it?

Other thoughts:
  • CLICK shouldn't be in ALL CAPS. If you want to indicate that it's a sound effect, italics usually do the trick.
  • [s]why does "Hel" only have one L?[/s] (wait, that's an MxO thingey. *Wiki'd it*)
  • watch your grammar and spelling; sometimes you have the word spelled correctly, but the wrong "version" of it (they're, there, their, etc.)
  • you really only need one !. they're solitary creatures.
  • don't use as many ellipses (...); often when you use them, there should be a comma or a period.




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Points: 890
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Sun Mar 04, 2007 10:58 pm
rodent wrote a review...



this is smart , its balanced and theres a real melody of words , i wouldent be suprised if i found this in a book , but , if this was in a book , i wouldent be hugely intrested . To improve it youve gotta stop using Rasi as a mouth peice to tell the story , and so far her responces and reactions have been stereo typical . Dialog especially , go against what insticts tell you , make her real .(rasi is a girl right ? )

A friend of my mums is fourty three and he writes too , if you two were to comete in a contest , he would be rinsed ! - be proud

rod





Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead