McMourning

Wow. I felt like I was reading a memoir, rather than fiction. It felt very real. I think part of that is because of your use of imagery early on ...

Hello. There are many parts I think you did well. It rhymes without being strained, for one. For another, you help the reader to visualize Hannah and her life. I ...

Hello. The first thing I noticed was the capitalization and punctuation. Contractions need to have apostrophes (It's, don't, can't), and the beginning of each stanza should be capitalized. this is ...

I also think this is a beautiful piece. Those near me -- are far away. This is probably my favourite line. It works to tell the story well, but I ...

I actually didn't think this piece was bad. You have a really good rhythm, and it does tell a story of sorts. But, at some points, the short sentences don't ...

Yes, that is a good job, but I do have two small things to change. I would have liked it to be in three "paragraphs", because as I read it ...

You speak so easily about loss, focusing on the good, like the bell. That's nice, but there are some things to change. First, Moonshine is a name and should always ...

Hi. I didn't really find anything wrong with the story itself, but I would've liked some of your sentences to have been shorter. She blinked a few times, wondering if ...

It's an interesting concept. I'm not sure that anyone else has suggested a laser wall surrounding the universe. Sometimes the worlds need heroes and sometimes people need heroes. But rarely, ...

The title doesn't suit it well. It's about pain and suffering, not an illness. Pulling a phrase from your poem, it could be "The Demons Call". I agree with Kylan ...

Well, I don't have a problem with it being questions. I know that isn't typical of a poem, but I thought that it still had a good flow, which I ...

Well, I know no French, but I think it works, to some degree. It gives a little bit of character, but it shouldn't be used as frequently as it is. ...

Hmm...It's interesting. The deities’ statues were very beautiful. They were smiling at us trying to tell an invisible reality, I like "an invisible reality". I don't think, though, that you ...

Hi. I don't even remember Jurassic Park , but I know I watched it. I like that you pulled in some fiction. I think it reminds us that science can ...

Hmm...I wouldn't say it's bad, but it certainly isn't an inspirational quote. It is and isn't true. I'm not going to argue for one side or the other, but you ...