Lethero

Man, Rubric beat me to grammar. Anyway, the only problem I had was the paragraphs. If you haven't noticed YWS does not include the indents to you want to space ...

Vlora raced down the chrome narrow hallway, avoiding crows of civilians, bullets zooming past her body Did any bullets hit the civilians as she past them. I'm pretty sure bein' ...

I didn't catch any grammar mistakes (seeing as you usually have to find mine). And overall this is a good story. I actually felt like I wanted to keep readin', ...

In the second paragraph I think it would be best to describe the transformation and possibley what happens to her clothes when she transforms. I know how tough this can ...

First off, Werewolves Rule!!!!! Ok, to business, the story needs more description like where is this school and what do Zachary and James look like besides their heigth, what are ...

I only caught one thing the others over looked. “Yes Mam ” he whispered hotly turning to go back to his room. The bolded word is supposed to be Ma'am. ...

I found only one section wrong in here. "Of all the places he had to choose Ravea Territory , " Bellin thought, barely able to keep silent. The thought does ...

Sounds a bit like either he was abducted by aliens or he is sometime in the future and they just brought him out. I didn't read the prologue yet so ...

It was great prologue. It's really intersesting, the woman sounded mean, and I like it where people don't make things too simple for their characters. Because sometimes people will make ...

One thing I need to say is that it's mostly 1 or 2 sentence paragraphs. Now where I'm from a good paragraph would need 5 or 6 sentences a paragraph ...

This is a good story, but I agree with the other people on their suggestions, but it's a good story. One thing I wanted to point out though is Ronan ...

I think everyone else got the mistakes, but I will say one thing; it was a good prologue. Sometimes I can't get through a persons thing, but this one I ...

It's a good beggining (I'm not saying this as a friend, I mean it). It has a air of mystery to it. But anyways I like how it seems to ...

It was intresting and kind of spooky, I would probably continue it if the next chapter (or chapters) catch my attention. Add to here surrondings what did the room she ...

I didn't think it was in the category of Fantasy till it got to the egg. But all in all I would give it thumbs up and say you should ...