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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
Its a good beginning with a lot of potential, some great rhetorical questions in there. It really sets the scene for a story with a lot of reflective thought involved for the reader!
This is an intriguing beginning...it stimulated our interest and presented intrigue without giving away what the plot line was actually going to be, which is a mistake of a lot of prologues.
It did, however, get annoying how the entire first paragraph was a series of questions. I would suggest trying to rephrase it...however you want, but just make it so there aren't so many question marks in one paragraph. It may have been intentional on your part, but if so, I just didn't like it.
Example rephrasing:
That's rough, but you see what I mean. It's better not to cram so many of the same punctuation in the same area.
Instead of: I would suggest: *shrugs* I just like it better.
Moving on...
This seems a little casual for the tone of the rest of the prologue. No one doubts...no one doubts what? And replace the phrase "goes with the flow" with something else less casual.
In the first part of this, you're talking about how it's just too easy to live in perfection, that it's not possible, yes? And then in the second part, 'far too easy' means it's far too easy to begin doubting. The different uses of 'far too easy' are slightly confusing and sloppy. Decide which way you want to use it, then do so.
I liked this idea, and the writing flowed very well...it was pleasant to read! I await with open arms for chapter 1, yes? Yes.
Good job!
~Koolio
It's a good beggining (I'm not saying this as a friend, I mean it). It has a air of mystery to it. But anyways I like how it seems to go. I'll check up on the others that will hopefully be out soon.