Leja

I’m rambling, I sound insane. I don’t even know the point I’m trying to make. Oh well. I don’t need a point, I’ve spewed the ideas I’ve wanted to. This ...

Nice pacing. It was very effective. What's up with the question marks? Did something happen with the formatting, or is there just a space separating them from everything else? If ...

I'd be careful how you incorporate the specific jazz and tango terms. For instance, there's the discussion of jazz in the third line, then the mention of tango in the ...

It's cute I guess, but the whole point of the poem is to demonstrate language and to provide a twist at the end. It seems like one long string of ...

There's this sort of tug-of-war thing happening throughout this poem, jumping back and forth between the viewpoint of the newborn baby and the people seeing her for the first time. ...

Don't be afraid of me My light is yours to take You lit me on fire and Even though a person's light and being lit on fire are two different ...

Be careful with the rhyme scheme; it really takes over the poem, which isn't the best way to go. When reading this out loud, if you stumble or it becomes ...

Welcome to YWS, Drifter. As Aedomir said, we ask that you keep a general ratio of two critiques to one post of your own work, but it's all good since ...

The literature forums are only for original works created by the poster. If you would like to share or discuss a quote please do so in the Lounge or in ...

This reminds me of an expanded haiku ^_^ If you're going to go with something so short, though, make sure that every word really matters. For example, in the first ...

The pacing of this fits very very well with the topic. That aspect was perfect ^_^ There are some parts that seemed more external than internal: No. Nervous. I have ...

In terms of content, it's nice. Er, as nice as an apocalyptic/anti-apocalyptic poem can be. I just have trouble reading it as a whole. Each new line seems to be ...

There are a lot of images here, but they're all ones that I've seen before as metaphors for life. Why not come up with something new? I've heard life being ...

Okay, nice title much? (compliment! I swear!) ^_^ Kylan, there's train blood (sweet image), and soot, and all the things a grimy train station should have. This is lovely drawing ...

This seems more suited to performance poetry than anything (yes, I have seen the note about satire). There's a nice rhythm to it, but other than it being emotional, there's ...