Imperfect Fate (Birth)

Large blue eyes open wide
behold this world so new.
Not knowing if it's good or bad
how vast is this strange view?

Her face is red and ugly,
everyone can see.
Though no one says a word
their minds all agree.

Her nose is far too flat
could someone have dropped her?
But her nose will stay that way,
everyone can confer.

Eyes too beady,
Heavy in weight,
She's quite the ugly baby,
Imperfect is her fate.

Yes, this does need some work. I hate that the question marks are in the work place. Anyway, the others took the words out of my mouth, so all I have to say is good luck in the future!

I edited it, but I'm not sure if it's any better... My punctuation is probably still improper for poetry. Thanks so much to the both of you for your advice! Tell what still needs to be changed.

There's this sort of tug-of-war thing happening throughout this poem, jumping back and forth between the viewpoint of the newborn baby and the people seeing her for the first time. It's sort of disorienting to see the two coincide with each other.

Since you're trying to get at the point that she's destined to be imperfect, you might want to concentrate on what's shaping the imperfection. Does the world around her cause her to be perceived as ugly or imperfect, or is the point the irony that she's seeing the world for the first time but it's already set out a path for her? Really ask what the reasoning is for the last line and I think this poem will be much more cohesive.

You might also want to take a look at the rhythm and rhyme. Are certain things hard to say when it's read out loud? Every line doesn't have to end with punctuation. Use commas where you'd put them in any sentence or when you want to pause, and use periods normally. For instance,

Her nose is far too flat,
Could Someone have dropped her?
But that was how she was born,
It will be that way forever.

Hey Bittersweet, and welcome to YWS! Just a few things here while I've still got them in my head.

1. Capitalization- you don't need a capital letter to start each new line. It disrupts the flow and makes it hard to read.

2. The rhyming scheme. It was a little confused. It was good until S3 when the near rhyme of 'her' and 'forever' spoiled it. Good again at the end though.

3. The theme and your voice is great. Although it still needs a lot of work, I can see potential here, so well done. I loved S4:

Eyes too beady,

Heavy in weight,

She's quite the ugly baby,

Imperfect is her fate.

This was practically the first poem I've written in a looooonnnnnng time.