Published May 9, 2008
NOTE TO READERS: This is a poem about my recent minor anxiety attack. I am slowly feeling the need to be diagnosed, but my mother doesn't believe in mental disorders, so I am unable to be perscribed for medication. I thought I'd share.
I laugh,
And smile.
Oh no.
Here comes another.
Attack.
Laughing,
Gains a higher
Pitch.
Stomach flops and
You wonder:
Sick?
No.
Nervous.
Try to slow that
Pulse that
Makes you
Jitter.
Breathe faster.
Anxiety.
I
Want
To
Be
Diagnosed.
Can I sit
Up front
Where I can see
The road?
Watch it
As the night
Spins on.
Stare at the road.
Stare at the road.
Stare.
At.
The.
Road.
Call your
Friends to
Take your mind
Off the terror.
Mind blanks.
Don’t throw
Up.
You are now
Getting sleepy.
Very sleepy.
Fall asleep,
And wake up fine.
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Sorry, I forgot to read the note above, so I posted before I read it...
Silly me, alright, lining needs work...But it does add drama...It's actually quite good now that I've read the note
Heh.
Death
Hmmmm...It was good, but I didn't quite grasp what you're getting at...Terror? Sadness? What? PM when it's more understandable maybe?
Death
Thankyou! More compliments! I can't believe it!
Oh yeah, another fav!
Very nice. Please don't change the structure!! I love it! The quick, choppy sentences worked for this topic. I felt like I was inside your head. Nice effect.
I couldn't find anything wrong.
Nice ending!
Thankyou! Wow! This makes me feel really great right now! Thankyou for the gold star and the compliments! They made my day by far!
Is there room for me on the spacing bandwagon? I love the structure! It's amazing, and made me want to read on, and on, and on. Perfect for poetry in this context.
The theme is very intrigiuing, one that I personally don't know a lot about. Good on you for writing about it, people are always saying to 'write what you know'. That tip definately worked here.
I don't really have any other comments, I just think it's a great breath of fresh air and it deserves a gold star.
*Clicks
Eimear
I love how you spaced the poem out. The places you put line breaks fit perfectly! You described the feelings so well and if I never had an anxiety attack I would be able to feel how an anxiety attack feels.
Phenomenal job. This was a pleasure to read :]
- Summerless <3~
Really cool. I totally know the feeling, I have major bad anxiety attacks. I hope your mom changes her mind. Can't wait to read more! ^-^
The pacing of this fits very very well with the topic. That aspect was perfect ^_^
There are some parts that seemed more external than internal:
I have no idea what nervous feels like. I mean, of course I have experienced nervousness before, but it appears that you and I experience it differently, and I think it's help if there were more detail. Is it a conscious thing to think "Am I sick? No, I'm nervous"? I'd think it'd be a more "oh no" thing than articulated thought. Maybe take a look at eliminating the question all together?
It's a similar thing here: "breathe faster" is good because it gives description, but what does the word "anxiety" do for the stanza/ poem except tell what you're using the whole poem to show?
Is it more the desire to be diagnosed, or the desire to know what a diagnosis could confirm? Look at questions like these a little closer. I really like the form that this stanza took because it made everything very punctuated.
I think you can get rid of the second "stare at the road". The broken second repetition provides enough emphasis for the passage.
This seemed very sudden, and maybe that's what it's like, but there aren't any transitions which makes it choppy.
Wow....You really did great in capturing the feelings of an anxiety attack in this poem! Just reading it made my chest tighten up, waiting for the next line! Some of the spacing was a little weird, but in some places it made the tension rise, which was really good for the reader. I have anxiety attacks too, and I hate the feeling. I also know that feeling where you just HAVE to see the road when you're riding with someone, or else you're going to panic!
Although, I've never thrown up. Just had a weak stomach afterwards. Great job!
Thankyou everyone! I like the spacing (sorry) so I'm keeping it, but I appreciate the compliments!
I have to agree with Vernon. The spacing is a bit funky.
It is nice. I like the idea where you write about it,but I think(and you don't have to.I'll understand) Is where you write about the attack. What you feel. How you feel.
But further on, I think it was very good.
Very interesting, some of the spacing bit weird like this:
See it's not right spaced out.
Other than that, can't say much I felt it brilliantly the tension and fear of losing it. You really capture that aspect.
Overall: This earns a star.
Good luck
VSN
The author's note is now up! Don't forget to read!
Ah. It's an anxiety attack. I'll put that in the author's note. Thankyou for the comment!
Sounds like my sister's road sickness she gets.
Very intriguing . I was wondering what it was untill the near end.