Freeze my blood till I have rose-red
wood in my veins:
Blood they say is
the thought of the brain.
Place me in ice and
exorcise that Sylvan Beast.
Yet, though freezing, freezing
froze ⎯ and thought impaired ⎯
it still remains. Doctor’s griping
hands: Warm. Healer’s chants:
Insensate.
Rhymes and
sermons.
Priestly white and echoes of,
“Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust,”
from graven tomb;
children’s voices ⎯ so
recognizable ⎯ chant:
Bleeding leaks you Red,
Freezing stops you Dead.
Strange intonations ⎯
Though, in thoughtless expanse
they may easily have not
said anything at all.
I preferred lacklustre solidity:
but thought, they say
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,691 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
Wow. You really get chilled when you read this. The last stanza doesn't really end. It would be better if it had a definite finish, I think. But, good job!
I didn't actually realise there were squares in the poem until I recently read over it. They're em-dashes, I copied it from word so it must be a formatting problem.
Thanks for the comments.
Ok, forgvie my ignorance, but what're the square marks for?
Nice pacing. It was very effective.
What's up with the question marks? Did something happen with the formatting, or is there just a space separating them from everything else? If it's not a mistake, take out the spaces. Otherwise it doesn't make much sense.
Love this example of rhythm and rhyme. It's well worded and well used. I really want to put an "and" at the end of the first line above to connect them better, but then it wouldn't follow the ashes/ dust example, so I don't know. Just something to notice.
That last line doesn't seem very complete. Maybe just because there isn't any ending punctuation. But it seems like there could be another line that just got left off.
This poem has wonderful language and imagery, I just don't see it being strong enough as a whole. What's the point of it all? The beginning has a definite start, but by the time the doctor comes in in the third stanza, it strays some. And then the end seems so far away from the beginning. I mean, I see something there, there just isn't enough of it to make me stop scratching my head.
OHHHH.....AND BY THE WAY, IT ALMOST MADE ME CRY.....because its just soooo emotional and I LOVE IT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-LULU_DAISY_101
That poem was soooo deep.....It made me feel dead in my stomach and alive in my eyes. A true person had to right this....IT WAS JUST SOOOOO AWSOME.....keep the good stufff comming.
-lulu_daisy_101
Hey Mad. Great job on this poem. It seems really well thought out and the imagery is superb. I especially liked the first stansa. It draws the reader in very well. I just noticed a few things here and there:
Overall, well done this earns a gold star. Just be careful that in trying to sound poetic and having good imagery- the poem becomes very unclear in places. There's a few issues with structure aswell. Once amended this could be really brilliant.
Hope and best wishes,
Eimear xx
WOOooooooWWWWWWWWWW
That was a great poem! It was so creepy, but it was fantastic! Love love love love loved, the imagery. This in my opinion, was one of the best poems I ever read. I'm going to read it again and again! keep it up!