Snow Falls

shadowsoldier wrote:With the falling of the snow
comes silent blanket of white powder
that brings a certain joy.
Snow flakes land in my hand
only to melt away.
The free falling of the flakes
takes up my whole vision.
My footprints quickly fade away.

I don't know what to say...well, it was short and nice, but if expanded a bit, I think it could be better.

This reminds me of an expanded haiku ^_^ If you're going to go with something so short, though, make sure that every word really matters. For example, in the first sentence, you might want to go in a different direction than "blanket" since that is the only way large quantities of snow are usually described. Maybe concentrate on the actual flakes rather than whole quantities of snow. On that note, look at how many times "snow flakes" or "flakes" are used; once each in the second and third sentence. Pronouns like "it" for one of these will help the sentences connect better, so it's not like starting new each time there's a period. I like the last sentence as the last sentence ^_^

Way too short in my opinion. It was okay but could have been so much better if it was expanded again, as i already said.

I liked it for what it was though but too vague as well.

With the falling of the snow comes silent blanket of white powder that brings a certain joy.
Snow flakes land in my hand only to melt away.
The free falling of the flakes takes up my whole vision.
My footprints quickly fade away.

Make sure you space and enter right. If you don't it makes it look like a blob almost.

It's very short or is my computer not working. I would if it is just short add another poem to it. Or if it is my computer with I have no idea i it is or not then I have no idea.

*shrugs and walks away.*

agin i was confused by another poem you guys

have to got to put in more details you just can't say

"His lips pursed unto mines and I fainted.

That is so lame you have to say, "As his lips

pursed unto mine I felt a cold chill. I felt like that my

heart had been frozen, but my heart had been taken

by him and I trusted him with it cause i know he will treat

it right. You see have you have to give details like that

you have tell people why the snow felt like silent blankets because they soft

and peaceful, gentle, or something...

Why did the snowflakes melt in your hand

for example if this poem was dealing with love

you could say that the snowflakes melt in your hand

cause I didn't treat it with enough love or respect

ok...that's all for now and yeah and you're welcome