Leja

Hmm, I didn't read it the first time around, so I can't say as to whether it's improved or not. The light caged in your eyes is released, spun of ...

First and foremost, this story could greatly benefit from spacing between paragraphs. This makes it easier and more pleasant to read. Although she felt rather lonely in the emptiness of ...

This was unfortunately well-written. Because of that, I did read the whole thing. Unfortunate because it was so disturbing. But then again, I'm sure you know all of the above. ...

I have this odd nervous habit of naming my nails after the wives of Henry the Eighth- you know, Aragon, Boleyn, Parr…and then, I rip them off, one by one, ...

and she fell for it, easier than I’d ever dared to dream that she would ^ The end of this was worded strangely. Maybe nix the "that"? Clandestine meetings between ...

The world was dark when Lord Bore took over the world. Before, everything was bright, but now it was opaquely dark This first part is a little confusing. The way ...

I think it was done in good taste. I think the double meaning with the harp worked nicely. Quivering, anxious, yearning you strive towards that one need-- that reaching desire. ...

I have to block out thoughts of you. Because all it brings is depression. Depression is such a generalized term. What does that really mean anymore? Give me something heart-wrenching. ...

There was little to no rhythem, so I didn't find this very poetic. I found most of it to be rather ramble-y. Here, you get to the heart of what ...

Hey, ho, let's go and God save the queen. I don't think "and" is necessary; it just emphasizes the fact that you're crashing lyrics together . Aww, I like the ...

This poem=gorgeous. ...I was tempted to just leave it at that... A few things at the end caught my eye: I kiss you. That ever-lasting kiss of frozen end. Freeze ...

Claudette's appearances made me laugh. Style note: I think it would be easier to read if it were less like a chat log and more like a script [since this ...

I don't agree with the turtle shell image because I get stuck at thinking there are holes for the turtles' arms and legs, and this seems [to me] to defeat ...

It seems very robotic and mechanical, like "this happens, then this happens, then this happens". In this model, you force the person reading to come up with the emotional half ...

This is very straightforward; there's not anything more to it than what it is. I feel like it's addressed to someone and I'm just watching on the sidelines, when I ...