Kylan

Hey there BBB! I'd be glad to crit your NaNo. I took a look at your profile and it seems you've been quite prolific with this story. Good job. The ...

For the most part, this was superb. Your style was contagious, your characters were down to earth and realistic, and you've paced everything wonderfully. This was an excellent prelude for ...

Okay, first of all, no one is going to steal this. For multiple reasons. And don't worry about that here, anyway. YWS is safe. One hundred percent. I had mixed ...

Okay, there are some problems with this piece. There are problems with most fantasy. It's a fact of life. Tolkein set us all up for generations of cliche and repetition. ...

This was a good start, but little on the slow side and somewhat cliche/contrived. You're on dangerous ground as it is writing a piece about bounty hunters. I'll follow this ...

Okay. I can see from this piece that you have a strong grasp on the english language. Maybe too strong a grasp. You were very wordy, your desriptions were heavy ...

I really liked this. Normally, I don't go for rhyming poetry because I feel it's far too easy to come across as immature and...nonsensical, but you really pulled it off. ...

I think that I'm critiquing the work of the next Jack London :wink: . Speaking of Jack London, this piece was extremely reminiscent of "White Fang": a captured wolf who ...

Kyte - Are you purposely trying to ignore my advice? WRITE MORE BEFORE YOU POST! I just spent some time looking through your portfolio. You have many projects going on ...

Yes, a very nice piece of flash fiction. You managed to capture the beginning of a storm brilliantly. There are no characters, however, and it is very difficult to portray ...

First off, I noticed this piece had the same problems that "Jumping Jax" had. Too short. It doesn't excite the reader at all. I don't care about the story, the ...

(Does this belong in fantasy?) Okay. Unlike everybody else, I wasn't partial to this piece. I found the description awkward and the internal dialogue confusing. The beginning portion - which ...

Good start, but too much telling. If I want to learn about a war or rebellion from a detatched narrator, I'll read a history book, not a novel. Never tell ...

First of all, this belongs in the science fiction forum. Second of all, and for the most part, this was entertaining. Your description could use some work and the story ...

Your first paragraph is incredibly cliche. It does nothing to hook the reader, it does nothing to pique my interest. Bright sunny day in the middle of the summer . ...