Freedom

Okay, I didn't think about Whitefang when I wrote, though now that I think about it it does resemble his book...Well anyways I'm going to post a revised edition of this story soon....

I think that I'm critiquing the work of the next Jack London .

Speaking of Jack London, this piece was extremely reminiscent of "White Fang": a captured wolf who passes through the hands of different owners, particpates in dog fights, eventually escapes, etc., etc. And for that reason this piece lacks originality. It was like a fanfic of White Fang. A good fanfic, but a fanfic nonetheless. However, I can't think of any way to fix this story to make it more original than expanding it... So I suppose you should keep it the way it is.

Most of your descrptions are fantastic, but a few of them give this story an awkward, stumbling gait. You tend to cram too much information into one sentence, making this heavy and hard to digest. For example:

He spotted a small stone den, it had the capacity to fit two wolves, and maybe some pups, but that was it.

The hunt could often be associated with follow the leader, because of the fact you run after your prey in a mad persuit.

I am a wolf, I am wild, those were the words that kept running through his mind, those were the words that kept him running through this winter wonderland.

this IS really cool, even with the spelling mistakes and redundant words. it creates a vivid image in the reader's mind, like a sort of mini-movie playing itself out. the way you've inserted his past along with all the action is good.there are a few grammatical errors and out-of-place lines, but nothing that the first critic didn't point out. so i'll just point out the good ones you've created a good vibe, a sort of dark-nature-ish atmosphere, if that's what you were aiming for.keep on writing!!

Oh, and by the way, maw is another word for muzzle...

Okay, I will try to work those things out...

first of all, i would like to say... i absolutely love the idea! it was pretty good but this is a critique so i have to tell you whats wrong . Ok, here we go. * cracks knuckles*

spiritblackwolf2705 wrote:A white blur ran through the dark, snowy forest, weaving trough the trees at an incrededible pace. I am a wolf, I am wild, those were the words that kept running through his mind, those were the words that kept him running through this winter wonderland. The brute came to an abrupt halt when he reached a small stream, his ears twitching as the sound of the running water filled them. The wolf's eyes were an icy blue color. One look into the blue pools that were his eyes, could leave any wolf dazed. The wolf's pelt was pure white, but now it was streaked with a red, sticky substance, blood. Not the blood of the wolf, nor the blood of prey, but the blood of a human. His name you ask? He doesn't have one; he was never given one at birth. The pitiful little scraps of fur that dare challenge him chose to call him Unknown. That was the only thing they could manage to bark before the world went dark before their eyes and their last breaths escaped their weak bodies.

When the wolf was a young pup, the humans took him away from his parents and brought him into the horrible life of dog fighting, but now he was free. Free to run through the forest, free to do as he please, but freedom comes at a price. The price was the human's life. Everyday the human man came into the metal cage that held Unknown, beating him, making him more and more aggressive. The more aggresive Unknown got, the more money the human would get for the fights, and a less chance of Unknown losing. Finally, Unknown couldn't take it; he attacked the human that had scarred him physically and mentally. The human beast that had cause him so much pain was dead, and dead by Unknown's jaws.

Unknown dipped his head down to the stream, lapping up the cold water. The chilly water stung as it flowed down his throat, but he didn't care, he hadn't had anything to drink in weeks. He stepped into the water, rolling onto his back he began to wash the dried blood from his pelt. After all the red was washed from his pelt. Unknown jumped out of the freezing water. He shook his fur roughly, tiny drops of water flying in every direction. Unknown felt a pang of hunger and knew he had to eat if he wanted to survive winter's harsh grip. He had never been taught to hunt, so he would have to teach himself. He sniffed the air; an assortment of scents flooded his noce, now all he had to do was find the one of prey.

After a couple of minutes, Unknown picked out the sweet scent of rabbit. He spotted the rabbit in a thorn bush. His muscles rippled under his pelt as he prepared to spring. Unknown pushed himself of the ground with his back legs, soaring through the air, his jaws snapped at the rabbit, inches away from its quivering body, but the rabbit saw him. The rabbit dashed away, its long ears pinned against its head in fear. Unknown ran after it, dodging each tree with grace. The hunt could often be associated with follow the leader, because of the fact you run after your prey in a mad persuit. The rabbit began nearing its home, but before it could scurry into the tiny hole, Unknown had it by it's tail. He delievered a quick and easy killing bite to the rabbit's neck. He looked down at his first kill. A strange feeling began to bubble inside of him, the bloodlust. Unknown's mouth watered and he began to feast happily.

Unknown licked his maw clean of blood. A tiny pile of bones sat infront of him, all that remained of the tiny rabbit. He yawned sleepily, scanning the area around him for somewhere to sleep. He spotted a small stone den, it had the capacity to fit two wolves, and maybe some pups, but that was it. He walked towards the den, creeping into the darkness and lieing in a small corner. His eyes slowly began to close as he entered the dream world.

(I'm sorry if it isn't that good...I tried...but I could've tried harder. And I know there are a few spelling mistakes...)