Kit

You don't need the line breaks to split it into quatrains and a couplet. It is Shakespearean sonnet form, five iambs a line, ababcdcdefefgg, you worked hard to get it ...

My darling, my darling, my darling. No matter how painful it gets, there is no need to take up arms to end your life, your life is always ending. In ...

Hey AdventurerDaniel, I think as a trained poet she was using what those crazy kids call a metaphor. It's not about singing, it is about the persona expressing themselves, associating ...

Look closer, young pup, it does have a very structured style, that of a sonnet, ababcdcdefefgg, I like the Shakespearean couplet to end sonnets, it makes it a little neater, ...

Thanks, I wrote it very late in the night times, which is kind of ideal for sonneting.

Oh, I am so sorry to do this to you. The rhyming scheme is wrong. You cannot write a sonnet in rhyming couplets. It is not a thing. You have ...

An iamb is simply as a stress, the stronger parts of words. So, say the word 'peanut', has a strong beat, 'PEA' and a weak one, 'nut'. When you say ...

There is a lot about thus poem that is truly lovely. However: to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue I wasn't sewn like this. Sew ...

I would eliminate the 'Him/Her'. There isn't an obvious change in tone, pace or perspective, just tone, and that stands on it own. Also it makes me think of towels ...

"Peeling" from 'The Fat Man in History' by Peter Carey, "The Feather Pillow" by Horatio Quiroga, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, the opening of 'The Body Artist', by Don Delillo. If these ...

You are expressing yourself eloquently, but I think the narrative aspects of it are lacking. It says exactly what you want to say, making your point and supporting it, and ...

I like the banter between the characters, this does a good job of establishing setting and plot. If you were more sadistic you could reveal things more slowly, you would ...

I am actually enthralled. I shall put on my hat of enthrallment. The characterization is very strong. The narrative is compelling, and it has some grit without being turgid. Now ...

This is very good especially for a first attempt, I like the imagery, and it has a lot of natural flow as a poem. You based your line length on ...

I like this. I clicked it, preparing to be the bitter an crotchety, and it got me. Very immerse piece. Minor typos are in bold. In my secret garden, I ...