Young Writers Society

There is a lot about thus poem that is truly lovely. However:

to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue


I wasn't sewn like this.

I would have sought a way,   just like I always do,
    to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue 
     of might beyond my blood,
    of harsh, defying droughts, to harvest truth beneath the hatred
   with springtime's ease - no doubts.

   My beauty swelling proud, my heart would life's rhythm get,
    to grow my body as it should -
      no knives of sweet regret which slice my soul,
    like when you stare at me;
   because you people see my flesh
  and not my gravity.

with herbs and spices and real human tears,

There is a lot about thus poem that is truly lovely. However:

to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue


I wasn't sewn like this.

I would have sought a way,   just like I always do,
    to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue 
     of might beyond my blood,
    of harsh, defying droughts, to harvest truth beneath the hatred
   with springtime's ease - no doubts.

   My beauty swelling proud, my heart would life's rhythm get,
    to grow my body as it should -
      no knives of sweet regret which slice my soul,
    like when you stare at me;
   because you people see my flesh
  and not my gravity.

with herbs and spices and real human tears,

darn it did away with the indents. Don't worry! They are still there in the draft haha. I only changed a few words

NEXT DRAFT

Seeds

I would have sought a way,
just like I always do,
to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue
of might beyond my blood,
of harsh, defying droughts, to harvest truth beneath the hatred
with springtime's ease - no doubts.

My beauty would swell proud, my heart would passionately sweat,
to grow my body as it should -
no knives of sweet regret which slice my soul,
like when you stare at me;
because you people see my flesh
and not my gravity.

And feelings would be glazed,
like salt in nature's air, with herbs and spices and real human tears,
until I've had my share;
and torn out smiles would sprout,
and creased up faces laugh
because that's what they do down here: they breathe for me, on my behalf.

But then you'd see me frailer,
the firmer I would be;
because the strength you seek is such, where, cross-eyed, I can still see
that life is not un-ebbing,
and love is not so rough, as boy-meets-girl, and blood ripples on,
and rivers quench enough.

So I stand here for you, in the darkness of my disguise,
for you to love me finally,
for love to fog my eyes,
and I'd be happy then,
if only you'd dismiss, that the seeds of my tears scream in pink;
I wasn't sewn like this.

Hey there!

This poem is fantastic in the way of imagery. You have a really great grasp on language and that gives you a great advantage when writing. I particularly like the last stanza. There are some lapses in tone and it would help to straighten the sections out. Otherwise this was a very enjoyable poem to read. I liked it a lot!

Best of luck,

Luxe

This is well-done. You have a nice flow and your imagery is tight and sticks to its organic, nature-based theme. One thing to look out for is consistency of voice. Your first stanza has a modern, spoken-word feel to it that works very well, but in a few places like:
"my heart would life's rhythm get"
"though firmer I would be"
"and so I'd happy be"
you move out of that into a style that doesn't work with what you've set in the first stanza. It ends up feeling inconsistent, like you're forcing your style into something that it's not in order to make a rhyme work or smooth out the flow.

You also incorporate rhyme here and there, but don't create any consistent pattern with it, which can work if done subtly enough that it just complements the rhythm of the piece, but most of the time it becomes distracting because it can create inconsistent flow and confusion over whether there's supposed to be a structure. That's what's happening here. I found myself constantly being distracted by trying to figure out what your rhyme scheme was or how a certain sentence was supposed to flow because things weren't consistent.

Your imagery is gorgeous. Sections like

to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue
of might beyond my blood,
of harsh, defying droughts, to harvest truth beneath the hatred
with springtime's ease

This is well-done. You have a nice flow and your imagery is tight and sticks to its organic, nature-based theme. One thing to look out for is consistency of voice. Your first stanza has a modern, spoken-word feel to it that works very well, but in a few places like:
"my heart would life's rhythm get"
"though firmer I would be"
"and so I'd happy be"
you move out of that into a style that doesn't work with what you've set in the first stanza. It ends up feeling inconsistent, like you're forcing your style into something that it's not in order to make a rhyme work or smooth out the flow.

You also incorporate rhyme here and there, but don't create any consistent pattern with it, which can work if done subtly enough that it just complements the rhythm of the piece, but most of the time it becomes distracting because it can create inconsistent flow and confusion over whether there's supposed to be a structure. That's what's happening here. I found myself constantly being distracted by trying to figure out what your rhyme scheme was or how a certain sentence was supposed to flow because things weren't consistent.

Your imagery is gorgeous. Sections like

to sew your love into my heart, without this pretence, this pursue
of might beyond my blood,
of harsh, defying droughts, to harvest truth beneath the hatred
with springtime's ease