Kale

The one word that describes this poem in my mind is "vague". You speak of light and darkness, but they're such common, generic words. In fact, all your main points ...

Punctuation. There isn't enough of it in this, and this is what I noticed first before I even began reading. Lyrics are punctuated the same as prose, and not having ...

Hey there. The first thing I noticed as I was looking at your poem was that you've got a couple of ".."s. Did you want "..." instead? I also noticed ...

The beginning of this poem really didn't impress me, but the ending pleasantly surprised me. I especially liked how you tied the ending to the beginning through the mirror, and ...

The first thing that grabbed my attention was the lack of punctuation. Everything in this poem just runs together into a mess of of ideas because there's no punctuation to ...

A hole will soon be in your chest, And your world, a mess. The rest of this poem doesn't rhyme, so this approximate rhyme comes out of nowhere. The last ...

The first question I feel compelled to ask is: do you, or do you not, have a rhyme scheme? I'm guessing no, so I suggest that you rewrite the lines ...

To be absolutely honest, this poem made me yawn and roll my eyes. It read to me as typical teen wangst, especially the part about sleeping pills. It also didn't ...

Hey there, Last. As I mentioned in chat earlier, "schone" should be spelled "schöne". Jagged actually covered most of what I wanted to say though there are still a couple ...

In your overstuffed chair. "Overstuffed" is a single word. The "Today is one of those days" got very irritating, very quickly. Aside from being repetitive, there really isn't much space ...

"Falunting" should be "flaunting". I think the punctuation, especially in the first and fourth stanzas, could use some tweaking. Right now, they read very choppily because of all the periods, ...

The first thing I noticed was the incorrect punctuation. You a missing a comma after "recession" and there should be a period after "beating". Because the punctuation is incorrect, the ...

Never is he claimed to one maiden, I'm not sure that "claimed" is the best word in this context. "Held" may be better, or "tied". With a paranoid stare, always ...

I really think this poem needs to be formatted better. Right now, the rhyme is lost in places because everything is clumped together into giant paragraphs. Also, there was some ...

I can’t lose them You need to be more careful with loose/lose and other similarly spelled words, like breath/breathe. You've got a couple of mistakes of this type scattered throughout ...