Moral Compass
Darkness comes and darkness goes
its only superficial though
There’s a real darkness than that of the surface,
A stream of wants
Closer to the heart of man
Farther from the heart of God
It’s conscience nonexistent,
carnal in body and desire.
Better to stop before the darkness will transform into internal midnight.
Or will it destroy?
Come home to light and truth,
This isn’t preaching, only reasoning,
one in the same
Still my conscience goes and follows
Dark and light always come to blows
And so does my soul,
it becomes bruised and pained
by the decisions entering my brain
But still my conscience goes and follows
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i really feel the emotion, as for review I'm not good with punctuation, but i can say i really enjoyed this line
.i think your writing does need a bit more working, but your on the right track
looking forward to reading more.
The one word that describes this poem in my mind is "vague". You speak of light and darkness, but they're such common, generic words. In fact, all your main points are stated with common, generic words, which doesn't make for a memorable poem since there's nothing concrete for the reader to visualize. Especially since this is such a common theme for poems, you need something that will make your poem stand out from all the thousands of other poems like it, and one of the easiest ways to do that is to incorporate some vivid imagery. Write so that there's no doubt in the reader's mind when they go to visualize what you're writing about. Ground all the abstracts in physical representations so that they're easier to understand. Basically, get more creative with your writing. Right now, there's nothing about this poem that shows that it could have only been written by you.
Using proper punctuation would also be a good idea. Poetry generally follows the same rules of grammar as regular prose, and not following these rules in your poetry can give a bad impression to your reader, as if you were too lazy to care to check that your poem was punctuated properly. Punctuation also helps keep separate ideas separate, which leads to less confusion from your readers.
Very true and emotional I love it! Great job writing on a deep subject that many people overlook.
As a review the flow was a bit rocky but stayed the course most of the way through and the lyrics were fantastic.
Again I say great work and keep it up!
-Dawn