KJ

Nice writing. What else can I say? I don't want your ego to flare even more, what with the heaps of compliments you're getting already :( Anyway, the one problem ...

It seems like I ALWAYS have this problem with Edward-written pieces. It just doesn't FEEL like Edward. Of course, you're not Stephenie Meyer, so I can't blame you, but still. ...

“You so owe me.” This sounds like something a teenager in 2008 would say. Cut the so . OVERALL IMPRESSION: Interesting. I guess that's about all I can say. I ...

Very good writing. I was a little iffy when I read the first few lines, but as I read further I did like it quite a bit. I would like ...

Wow, Ash, I like this. You never told me you were working on a new story... what happened to the Roman one? You know, the one I spent HOURS correcting? ...

Hey. I'm just going to give you my overall impression, since I'm sure many people are going to critique this and I don't have too much time on my hands. ...

Hey. It's probably just me, but I just couldn't get into it. I suggest a more attention-grabbing hook. I mostly skimmed, so I can't really offer an opinion. Sorry :(

First off, I just want to say that I thought this extremely well-written, and I have very little to critique. I liked this better than the first part. I do ...

Hey. I noticed that you have a unique style of writing... lots of odd comparisons that I've never seen used. So I guess that's a plus? Even if some of ...

Cute, but I gotta be honest... I didn't feel like that was really Edward. Some of the things he was saying just didn't seem like things he would say. And ...

Well, I certainly liked the length. However, your paragraphs need some work. You don't need to have near as many as you do. Combine some. I don't have much time, ...

(Shamefully few) NITPICKS: Some of them whispered, even if for only the benefit of talking, and most of their concern was on the people above, on deck, and moving ashore. ...

He sounds formal, as if he were planning on firing me, not murdering me. Writing in present tense. Should be as if he is. Everyone has got everything else covered, ...

Okay, there were quite a few things that I found and wanted to point out, but I have almost no time left and here are two parts that stuck out ...

Very lovely. I really found nothing to nitpick, and I kind of hate that... Here one thing (and it really is pathetic): I didn't like how messy the breaks were ...