There is a prologue if you haven't read it:
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Come to us, they sang. There is warmth here.
Isaac left the city on foot, heading toward the coast. The cobbled road was uneven, and he struggled to keep a steady pace. Turrets of the city castle were visible to his left, and he could see the remains of old lighthouses clinging to the rocks overhanging the water. The golden disc of the sun rested on the horizon.
Come to us, they hummed. The voices were sweet and warm, swelling and falling with the currents of the winds.
“I’m coming,” he murmured, approaching the edge of the bluffs. Here, the earth fell away, yielding to the high white cliffs immortalized in so many songs. He squinted into the distance: on a clear day, he could just see the coast of France, with tiny buildings dotting its banks. Today, a thick mist clouded the sky, scattering the fading sunlight across the dark waters.
He stepped closer to the edge and stared down into the deep blue far below his feet. Smooth, like glass, it reflected the white of clouds and cliff. It was so clear. So perfect.
Listen...
A warm feeling swelled in his chest. Seagulls wheeled below him, dipping into the water to harvest the silver fish that swam in the shallow waters. It was difficult to believe that there was civilization nearby - there was no semblance of city or harbor, no bells or shouts of sailors. He savored the feeling of the wind rushing through his hair, and listened as the waves lapped against the rocks.
Come now. We will catch you.
He took a deep breath, and the salty air filled his lungs. He shifted his weight forward, and felt the air whipping around him as he fell toward the water. The ecstasy of this kind of freedom…
A pungent smell flooded his nostrils. Isaac opened his eyes and sat up, his sudden movement causing the room to spin. He was breathing heavily, and his forehead was beaded with sweat. “Again.” He shifted his weight, adjusting quickly to the rocking of the boat. “Not again.”
“You all right, Ike?” a deep voice asked. Isaac stared into the eyes of the gruff gunner who knelt next to him. “Did you hit your head? That was a bit of a rough fall.” He was holding a tiny vial of deep brown liquid.
Isaac shrugged. “Where did you get that stuff?” he asked, dragging himself to a kneeling position. His back and forehead burned with pain, and he grimaced.
“Florence,” he said. “It‘s ‘thieves’ vinegar.’ that‘s what they called it, anyway” he said, stroking his beard. “Works better than those salts. Cost me a pretty penny, though. They told me a whiff of it could wake the dead, but I haven’t had a chance to try it yet.” He grinned.
You might soon, thought Isaac. The "fainting fits" had been going on for months now, and as of yet no doctor had been able to explain his condition. He peeled off his sticky jacket and folded it, staring at his distorted reflection in the brass buttons.
“The captain suggested that you retire to your hammock whenever you‘re… feeling ill,” the man said, standing and facing the direction of the captain’s quarters.
“You’re going to tell him? Don‘t tell him. He‘ll send the surgeon in.”
“He asked me to let him know, Isaac,”
“I don’t have cholera,” he spat, dragging himself to his feet.
“Didn’t say you did. The captain is just a bit concerned, you see.” He paused. “He's always liked you, you know. You're a good sailor.”
“If that‘s the case, why am I still a midshipman?” The words tumbled out, sounding far more indignant than he had intended. He sighed, smoothing out the wrinkles in his uniform. “I suppose I know why.” His eyes flicked to the small vial of pungent liquid.
“Whether you want to admit it or not, healthy young men don’t flop over like ladies with their dresses laced too tight, Ike,” he said.
Isaac raised an eyebrow. “And what would you know about ladies and their dresses, Whiskers?”
“You’d better watch your words, boy,” he said with a chuckle. “Get to sleep,” he said, handing him a lantern.
"But my watch..."
"You may work an extra shift tomorrow to compensate, if you wish. Also..."
“Yes?”
“Last time we were in port, I talked to a man who knew of your uncle - the blacksmith in Dover, yes?”
“Ah. What did he say? Is he well?”
“Yes, he's very well. But he apparently complains quite often of losing his best apprentice.”
Isaac bit his lip.
“It just made me wonder why you came to us instead.”
“I'm still not sure. I just... wanted to be near the sea.”
The hull of the boat creaked quietly, and the old man chuckled as he turned away.
Isaac quickly turned and headed toward his hammock. Sleep was no comfort - it only yielded the same strange dreams, which almost always ended in drowning himself in a loch or walking into the sea. He had seen the tiny wooded crosses that dotted the cliffs - mostly those of heartbroken lovers. But he often wondered if one or two, perhaps, were people who had slowly gone mad…
There was no one at this end of the ship this early. It was dark, and there were shadows in the walls that refused to succumb to the light of the lantern. He flopped into the hammock and unbuckled the belt that held his dirk. He pulled gently on the handle, allowing a couple of inches of the blade to show, and stared into the silver. His bright, honey-colored eyes stared back. He cringed.
We will see you soon, they sang.
He shoved the dagger back into its sheath and tucked it away with his belongings before extinguishing the lantern. He stared into the blackness, quietly praying that sleep would come before death.
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There are a couple of sentences in this that I really didn't like, but that I didn't know how to fix. Perhaps I'll see if you guys manage to fish them out. 
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
The prologue was named "Ten Years Before," but if it's tripping people up, I'll try and wedge something in there. He's supposed to be late teens here.
yelhsa211 - could you elaborate on that? (I'll PM you later, actually.)
Nice writing. What else can I say? I don't want your ego to flare even more, what with the heaps of compliments you're getting already
Anyway, the one problem I have with this was the beginning - again. This time I felt that it began too abruptly.
Keep writing.
Hmm... Not much I can suggest to make this chapter better. Well, it's obvious that this is taking place later in your character's life, but how much later? If you don't plan to in your next few chapters you should mention something about your character's age, maybe through a memory of what happened to his mother in the prologue.
*glares*
You are out to make the rest of us feel uber un-talented, aren't you?
Again, second chapter was great. *sigh* *goes off to edit sucky novella*
Hey, I really liked your story! I've just read the prologue, And now you have went and got me hooked. One of the only things that confuse me is that at the beginning, I don't understand how the bluffs come into the picture. No offense, or anything like that. Also, you use the phrase "he said," , or "He replied," alot . Other than that , Your story is really good!
I am so very interested in this, dear. You write very well, and I've been caught up in how the story is progressing. I have nothing to nit pick or comment on for this chapter. Except that I loved the way you slipped out of the dream. Nicely done.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Hooray for the first chapter!
Here's the critique. (By the way, I love Isaac's nickname ^^)
You forgot to capitalize the T there. After the word vinegar.
Loved this a lot.
Too many things happening in one sentence.
Okay, it was shorter than expected (my critique). And I was only able to fish out one sentence. Tut, oh well.
Overall, glad to see that Isaac isn't all mourning about the death of his mother. I've read a few pieces that had a tragic prologue and had nothing but mournings, regrets and repetitions in their first chapters.
The pacing of this one works for me. The fact that it isn't totally related to the prologue only makes me want to read more. (yes, I am already glued to this. I want to see how Isaac will resolve - or has resolved - the death of his mother.
Best of luck.
OH, goodness...you are an excellent writer. Almost faultless, and the others caught the faults.
Your writing style was very easy to read, and flowed incredibly smoothly. Your dialogue was very natural and excellently done, and I liked it how you showed us the characters and began introducing us to their personalities instead of giving us a huge paragraph of describing their hair and eyes. Good, well done, bravo, excellent. *applause*
And I love the cookies. Do you have a chocolate chip for me?
~The Kool Wun
I like this very much. The characters felt very real to me and you had the right amount of description for me to picture the scene. I noticed you also showed a link with the scenary and the characters. Well done on that.
The way you wrote this flowed very well and I was hooked. I'm interested to see how this story will go.
The only I have to say is that your character, as far as I know, has all five senses. Use them. You only use sight and hearing, and a litle bit of feel, but you never use scent. Just something I had to add.
Good luck on your story! It's getting really interesting....
Hey Lyn!
I really liked it!
Good description, and it leaves you in suspense.
I hope you explore Issac more!
~Rogue Jedi Master Timea
CrypticWaters, you're right. Those are more things that I could have fixed by making sure that the parts I changed when editing made sense with the surrounding text. I'm going to have to be really, really careful about that in future chapters, I guess. ><
Magicman: I've never really thought about that before. I guess I just divide my work into scenes arbitrarily without thinking that far ahead, but you're right. Reading through this again, I think I've learned some things about Isaac that I didn't know before - things that really need to be included in the text. He does have motives, so I guess I need to do a better job of revealing them to the reader.
Honestly, I don't have much to say about this. That is, it was very good work. ^_^ A great installment, and I loved your dialogue and use of description.
One point though:
Characters need goals, right? That's what stirs up conflict, and ultimately, an awesome novel. With each scene in the story, your character's goal needs to remain clear, even if it's not his main goal. You always need to let the reader know what your main character wants, so we sweat in suspense of whether or not he'll be able to get what he wants. My advice is to suggest more strongly what Isaac is yearning for. By the end of the scene his goal should be made clear, if only partly. That way it makes for a more interesting read.
MM
Lynlyn, I love cookies! How did you know?!
*huggles*
I also have Merriam-Webster in my favorites.
Hehe
Bravo! I must agree about the second chapter being great. I found nearly no problems. The dialog was wonderful, and your ideas certainly kept me reading.
I was a little confused with the wording for this sentence, though:
His back and forehead burned with pain, and he grimaced.
It seems a little off, like the 'and' is out of place. Just one other thing...
“Florence,” he said. “It‘s ‘thieves’ vinegar.’ that‘s what they called it, anyway” he said, stroking his beard.
The 'he said' seems a bit repetitive. Maybe it's just me, but perhaps you should take one out?
That's it for me to say, really. No typos, a feet to be proud of. ^^ I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Thank you oodles! Here's your cookie.
Sorry, I was a little hungry...
OOPS. Again, I edited that sentence and failed to remove the original punctuation. -headdesk- I need some sort of system.
I checked the dic-tion-ary, and it turns out that good ol' Merriam-Webster agrees, I don't need a preposition at all. Cheers, mate.
Lynlyn! Second chapter was great!
Also, I could not find ANY typos on my own.
After running it through Word Processor, I found only one error:
“Last time we were in port, I talked to a man who knew of your uncle - the blacksmith in Dover, yes?.”
Get rid of the period at the end.
Also, this was just me feeling nitpicky. I'm not sure, but in this sentence:
He savored the feeling of the wind rushing through his hair, and listened as the waves lapped against the rocks.
Do you need to put "against"? I'm not really sure, just wondering.
Besides that, I couldn't find anything! Bravo! Also, I enjoyed the dialoge-- especially this little bit:
“And what would you know about ladies and their dresses, Whiskers?”
Hehehehe....
Anyway, very nicely done. I'm ready for the next chapter.