Jyva

oh dang, i somehow missed the notification that i got a review on this. thanks for the in-depth critique, appreciate it

oh dang, i somehow missed the notification that i got a review on this. thanks for the in-depth critique, appreciate it

i did go over the story - like 80% of my review was me ragging on you for how little actual plot you had to your chapter. at the end ...

oh yeah sorry you did have some dialogue that was missing commas, but i decided to just ignore em cause there were too many

... YWS coding what did you do to my comment

just for the sake of any other reviewers that decide to look at this: >%u201CAye,%u201D the Veloren said, %u201CThat%u2019d be a good reason.%u201D Is that a good reason though, I ...

like... it rhymes, but i can't make sense of this. you're just finding random rhymes and stringing them together. it's not coherent. even the rhyme scheme is basic.

coated

why are there such huge spaces between the lines

gadzooks! i've been duped!

jeeeeeesuuuus chrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiissttttttttt. thas nasty. i have no real comment to make other than... somewhat reluctant awe at just the honesty of this. you didn't try to hide the racism, or ...

general comments: 1. paragraphs need some serious breaking up. 2. some dialogue doesn't even have quotation marks. 3. this is pretty damn cliche 4. you need commas in there man ...

neat

that's cool and all, but... a bit melodramatic, don't you think?

daaaaaaaamn duuuuuuuuude