JoytheBrave

Hey Aly, This is a decidedly promising start to what I hope will be a very engrossing novel. The way you opened the book will definitely get people interested. It ...

Hey Purple, I like the repetition of this poem. It's soothing, almost like a lullaby. The imagery in this poem is very strong and so is the wording. I have ...

Hey Scribbles, Your poetry makes me smile. :) I read "Flower" and thoroughly enjoyed it, then I read this one. Beautiful! I love it. Thank you so much for writing ...

Hey RedMoon, This is a very compelling start to what I bet is going to be an amazing novel. The way you play with words and get inside a teenage ...

Hey Teal, Remember me? Anyway, this is an awesome first start! I love the ease of rhyme and rhythm. The imagery is wonderful and your word choice is amazing. Why ...

Hey Jupiter, Oh my goodness, this is beautiful.

Amddog, I love this! Though I don't have much background (I'm assuming this is the middle of a novel?) I enjoyed this immensely. :) You create a vivid image and ...

Hope, Beautiful! Just beautiful. I love your simple rhyme scheme and rhythm. I especially love the last few lines. The repetition creates a rare beauty. I only have one question. ...

Hey Reet, Welcome to YWS! I love the freedom of rhythm in this poem. I write poetry but I don't exactly know the particulars to it, so I'll do the ...

Hey Rain, This is an awesome piece! Your words paint such a vivid scene. I don't have much in the way of suggestions, besides maybe describing the main character's inner ...

Sweetiezee, This is a wonderful start to what could be a very promising novel/short story. The way you combined the third person limited point of view and present tense was ...

I loved your illustration of the way relationships between boys and girls change as they get older. The repetitive "When I met you" adds a lot of voice and rhythm ...

Hi Falconer, This is a compelling start to a novel. It's sure to pull readers right in! The dialogue flows smoothly and feels completely natural, like I can hear them ...

Hi Aylisha, This is a very intriguing storyline; I think you're off to a great start. I have a few suggestions for you. First off, you change tenses quite often ...

Great poem. I liked the creativeness of the false rhymes. Some suggestions: a few times throughout your poem you rhyme with the same word. For instance: "My life is so ...