Change

Hey there Kat here to review for Team WHY? on this fine review day .

Wow, a poem about stereotypes and society's issues. Such relevant topics . I couldn't agree more I mean words for example. They are just words but curse words are bad because we say those words are bad, styles, races, ideas, sexuality, and the list goes on and on . Labels and people who think they have the right to judge other people. You could even go as far as to say this is talking about the ecosystem and how the world is being treated with the bleak future and change thing. Well done.

Careful though.In the last three stanzas you started sacrificing flow for rhyme and I know that can be hard but some of your lines just really didn't make much sense because of that and that starts ti take away for your lovely message .

As you know I am a huge fan of your work, so keep it up . I look forward to more.
~Kat

Okay, first off: I found one error up near the beginning that I think would be better to change.

People weren't looked at through our special lens,
With labels that we've fashioned for them.
Maybe in a world like that we could cleanse,
The minds of people who've harmed them.

Can you imagine if people were accepted,
And not viewed as objects or things.
People as people and not what's expected,
But each as queens, royalty, and kings.

What a great poem!! Everything you said is so true, I really love how you said that everyone should be viewed as kings, queens, and royalty. Because everyone is unique and special in their own individual way, and you really encaptured the whole essence of how only you can make the change in the world you wish to see. Over time, society has become a bleak and miserable thing, doomed to ever repeat the same terrible cycle of life, unless you take a stand and do something about it. I really enjoyed reading this, I can't wait to read more of your work!!!! Good luck, and keep writing!!!!!!

Hello!!

First of all, you did an awesome job on the poem. It is creative and original, yet touches on a very well known dilemma in this world: trying to be accepted. I really like the concept of the whole thing. It talks about something that everyone can relate to. I think at least once in everybody's life they have felt unaccepted an judged. Your poem shows what's wrong with that. Everyone should be accepted all the time.

My only critique really is to maybe add on to the poem. Its very short and to the point, which works and gets your message across, but think of if it was double the size. You could include more details and thoughts to further your message and ideas even more. Sometimes it works perfectly to be brief and to the point, and sometimes its better to include more detail. I think both options would work well for this poem, but experimenting with both wouldn't be a bad idea! Trying new things is one of the best ways to improve your writing.

Have a great day!!

Hey, it is fantasydragon01!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First off, you did a good job on the poem. It was very creative and enjoyable. I encourage you to write more.
I think I might have read "Flower" and commented on it. This is different from "Flower". You are a very creative person.
However, yes that big, fat 'however', I did find the poem rough. The rhythm was not so smooth. I may be wrong, but some words may be unnecessary. Look at your poem, read it out aloud to yourself, and ask yourself whether this poem is really, really smooth and flowing. The rhyming was good, but I think the lines that had the word 'them' in the end was not going smooth in terms of rhyming. But, anyway, you did a good job.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.

Hey Scribbles,

Your poetry makes me smile. I read "Flower" and thoroughly enjoyed it, then I read this one. Beautiful! I love it. Thank you so much for writing on a topic that so dearly needs to be heard. I have only a few suggestions to make an excellent poem just a teeny bit better.

First of all, like Falconer said, the fourth line in the first stanza feels a bit off. I would suggest changing the wording just a bit. Maybe "But each as royalty: queens and kings"? The words "queens" and "kings" feel like they should be side by side instead of separated. I honestly don't know though; it could just be my opinion.

Next, the second and fourth lines of your second stanza end in the same word. I see that you decided to rhyme with and "abab" style, and that "them" and "them" are meant to rhyme. If this was my own poem I would avoid using the same word when rhyming because it subtracts from the beauty of the rhyme. I honestly don't have any suggestions on how to fix this without changing the entire poem, but if you ever think up a way to adjust it I would suggest doing so. This is a pretty small problem though, and if I weren't so picky I probably would not even have noticed it.

On the subject of a title: I don't have much in the way of suggestions, but if you decided to lengthen the poem and talk more in-depth about lenses I do have a few recommendations. You could call it "Through a Clear Lens" or something having to do with lenses or eyes. The current title works well with this piece, but you could change it into a phrase instead of a single word. For instance: "Imagine If" or "Imagine a Perfect World", but those aren't much stronger. I don't honestly know. I always struggle with titles, so you and I are in the same boat.

The length of this poem is fairly short, but some of the best pieces are. I don't agree that it needs to be lengthened, because the point is gotten across either way. If you wanted to, though, you could go into more detail about a perfect world without anybody judging one another, but that's completely up to you.

I look forward to reading more from you,

~Joy

Wow...This really moved me...The concept is beautiful..I just wish more people would understand this. You my friend have explained what humanity is in this poem of yours...although I felt like this was too short..It would be nice if you could add more lines..it's an amazing thought.. hope to read more stuff like this..keep up the good work (-:

Hi, Falco here for a review!

This is a nice poem, and I love the concept, but I feel like you could've made it a bit longer. You have some great ideas going on, with the filters and labels, but maybe just extend and elaborate that a bit.

The last line of the first stanza seemed to be a bit awkward when I read it out loud, it just flowed a bit differently. Maybe just look over that and consider rephrasing. You don't have to use this, but perhaps this may work: "But each as royalty, their own queens or kings". That sounded a little better in my mind, but just try some things out to see what fits.

I'm not always great at titles, especially for a piece this short, but maybe "A person of your own" or "Without Judgement", something along those lines. Hope you do make it longer! Other than that, it was great.

-Falco