My hands are cold,
I walk alone in the snow,
But naught can warm the cold in my heart;
The cold of woe.
My love, you are gone,
My heart you have taken,
Left without a jacket
By the cold to be shaken.
Snow on my lips,
Snow on my hair
Freezing colder
In winter air.
When I should have spoken
My lips were dumb.
Now my hands are cold,
And my heart is numb.
My hands are cold
The cold of snow
My heart is cold
The cold of woe
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey.
This was something really interesting. Imagery is used effectively here. Though your lines were too choppy (a mistake I usually make) and it didn't go well with the flow you started off with in the beginning.
I loved the ending.
"My hands are cold
The cold of snow
My heart is cold
The cold of woe"
I loved this part a lot, choppy but nice. These are places where short lines can be useful. Good thinking here.
Anyways, I think you could add a bit more content, this was just a skeleton without meat.
Good job though.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Being from Michigan, I can totally relate to this poem, haha. I really like this and the rhyme scheme and the adjectives you used. Very good. I hate winter, so I can't help but to chuckle as I read this. 'My hands are cold', YES! In winter my hands are cold. 'Snow on my lips, Snow on my hair', again, yes, when it snows our lips and hair are covered. When one can read a story or a poem and relate to them in real life.... You should feel accomplished. Winter is probably the loneliest season we must suffer through, its a cold and desolate season for many. When the wind blows its icy fingers rip away our warmth and leave us trembling,alone. Beautiful. Job well done.
Thank you so much for your kind words....I'm so glad you enjoyed my poem.
I really did. In Michigan we're always 'Cold'............. jump on over to my latest work... A Tragic End............. Share your opinion/review
Hope,
Beautiful! Just beautiful. I love your simple rhyme scheme and rhythm. I especially love the last few lines. The repetition creates a rare beauty.
I only have one question. When you write "And my heart in numb" it feels like it should be "is", but maybe you did mean "in."
Thank you so much for writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and the emotion it caused me was startling. Keep writing!
Joy
Thanks so much for all your encouragement. "In" was definitely a typo
winter is the best season, don't be mean to it!