“I am a minute away,” Juliet Wagner says over her phone as she walks down the sidewalk towards the ice-cream place where her three best friends are waiting for her. The humid afternoon wind blows her straight brunette hair to her face as the sound of her two-inch high heels taps over the brick ground. She is dressed in a pair of casual grey skinny jeans and an off the shoulder turquoise top.
Juliet puts her phone in the back pocket of her pants; her green eyes trained on the road ahead her mind focused on something totally different. Her mother. The ice-cream place comes to view seconds later. She walks into the pallor searching for her crazy friends.
Her green eyes catch a glimpse of Stephanie Miller’s blonde hair shining against the sunrays that sipped into the pallor. Juliet makes her way towards the table of four. Next to Stephanie sat her boy friend since high school, Chase More. Opposite the couple, sat her other friend Abigail Davis.
“Sorry I am late” she apologies taking a seat next to Abigail. The four of them know each other since Elementary school. Juliet is the youngest in their friend circle at nineteen turning twenty in a weeks time; Stephanie and Abigail are twenty-one and Chase is twenty-three. Despite their age and many more differences they have been the best of friends for the past thirteen years of their life.
“Its okay” Stephanie replies just as their waitress joins their table taking down their orders. It’s been their thing in the past to meet up at this pallor every Wednesdays and Fridays; it’s her friends’ way of saying that they are always with her. They are her support and back bone through good times and bad. Its on these two days Juliet goes to visit her mother in the hospital.
“Lets take a road trip to Los Angeles!” Abigail says excitedly. She is the carefree one in their friend circle. She has light blonde hair and grey-blue eyes; she is working in the molding agency.
“I could use a vacation, we haven’t done anything fun for a while now!” Chase agrees as he takes a scoop of his ice cream. Chase has neatly combed light brown hair and hazel eyes. He works as a Market research analyst, this one of the reasons he gets along so much better with her younger brother, Jeremy.
“Boring! We already went to the Hollywood walk of fame last year!” Stephanie says toying with her long blonde hair.
“Duh! I was the one who planed the trip remember!” Abigail replies flipping her hair off her shoulder. “We are going to Runyon Canyon and Griffith Park this time! What do you guys think?” she adds as she skillfully types something out on her phone.
“Darling?” Chase asks looking over at Stephanie.
“Sure! It’s going to be fun!” Stephanie replies excitedly.
“Juliet?” Abigail asks waiting for an okay. Even though its been two years since the accident, Juliet remembers that dreadful day clearly as though everything happened only yesterday. Sometimes the images stay engraved in her mind, like a reluctant nightmare, refusing to leave her alone.
---Flashback---
It’s a rainy evening in Oakland; Juliet is in her bedroom trying to complete her calculus homework. Maryanne, her mother, left just a little over an hour ago to buy some groceries from Wal-Mart. Her father, James, is at the firm working late that evening and her younger brother, Jeremy got invited over at a party by one of his football teammates.
Juliet looks up at her window; a sudden fear sets in her chest as the storm gets worse. She wonders what taking her mother so long to get back? She is pulled out of her thoughts by the doorbell. She frowns glancing at the clock on her nightstand. Who can it be this late? Its 9:30! Dad and Jeremy have their own house keys! She lets out a huff getting off her comfortable queen size bed and walks to the front door.
Juliet gasps at the sight of an officer standing at their porch. “Officer? What’s going on?” Juliet asks staring at him confused. Her heart racing in her chest while her stomach does all kinds of nervous flip-flops.
“Is this the Wagner’s house?” The police officer replies. Juliet tilts her head on the side, confused. Why would he be asking her that?
“Yes?"
“Is your father home child?” he asks with a look of grieve. Juliet feels her heart stop for a moment, before she can reply the officer, her father’s car pulls into the drive way.
“Is everything okay?” James calls out, jogging his way towards her. Juliet feels his arms, wrapping around her shoulder pulling her closer to him then placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Mr. Wagner?” The officer asks, turning his attention away from Juliet and towards her father.
“This is him” James replies a small frown forming on his face. Juliet moves closer to her father as a sudden fear settles in her chest.
“I am sorry sir, but I have some bad news” the officer replies with a pause. “Your wife, Marianne, seems to have gotten into a car crash. The ambulance is taking her to the hospital as we speak” he adds on. Juliet feels her heart suddenly stop beating. She could hear her father gasp in shock as his grip on her shoulders tighten, pulling her closer to him as though to protect her.
---End of flashback---
Maryanne never recovered from that accident. She has been in a coma for the past two years, her father has called doctor’s from far and wide; each and every one of them gives them the same answer. There is nothing we can do Juliet has come to hate those six little words.
“Hey!” Stephanie snaps her fingers in front of her face pulling Juliet out of her journey down that terrifying memory. Juliet blinks her eyes, focusing on the present. Her ice cream sat in front of her while her friends’ eyes glance at her wirily.
“Yeah” Juliet replies taking a scoop of her chocolate ice cream.
“Your phone has been ringing” Abigail says looking worriedly at her. Juliet frowns, why didn’t I feel the vibration? Just then her phone rings once again. Juliet pulls it out of her back pocket sliding her finger against the screen.
“Hey dad” Juliet says taking another scoop of her ice cream and her friends did the same as they go on discussing convenient dates for the trip to Los Angelis; Juliet glances around the table at their exited faces, a short vacation doesn’t sound so bad she thinks to herself.
“Sweetheart! We need to talk, do you think you can come by my office?” Her father, James, asks over the phone. Juliet frowns at his request. This is so not like him!
“Sure, I guess” Juliet replies feeling confused. She glances down at her ice cream; she really didn’t feel so cheery about eating it anyway.
“Okay. Where are you? I will send the car,” Her father says, she could hear him ruffling some papers in the office. Juliet rolls her eyes; she never understood the concept that her father drills in her mind day in, day out. So what if they have money? She hates the privilege that comes with it! What’s so bad in taking the subway or a cab or a walk!
“Its all right dad. I am just five minutes away” Juliet replies running her hand over her hair. She hears him let out a sigh of defeat. They go through this dance every day, if she can walk there she doesn’t need people aweing at the fact that she has a chauffer or the latest car brand of the month.
“Okay” he replies with a pause. “I love you” James says before hanging up. Juliet glances at her phone weirdly. He never agrees to what she has to say without an argument, this is odd!
“Sorry guys, dad has something important to talk about” Juliet says to her friends as she gets on her feet.
“Fine!” Abigail says with a pout. “Before you go, how does next Friday sound? You know for the road trip” she adds as Juliet takes out a few bills from her wallet. What could it hurt? I am not doing anything anyway! Juliet thinks to herself.
“Cool” She replies nodding her head. Her friends make silly pleading faces begging her not to go. Juliet lets out a laugh, as she places a few bills on the table paying for their orders. After quickly giving each of them a hug she makes her way to ‘Wagner’s Constructions’ her father’s fast growing company for the past twenty-five years.
“Good afternoon Ms. Wagner” The guard at the lobby, Michael, greets her.
“Hi Michael” Juliet replies flashing him a polite smile. She hardly visits her father at work. There are many reasons for that, one, being his oldest child he expects her to take over the business. Finance, paper work and architecture has always bored the life out of her, besides she cant see herself surrounded with people in suits, it just irked her.
Juliet makes her way to elevator; her father’s firm is eight stories long and his office is on the last floor. Juliet didn’t want to worry her father showing up with a sorrowful look on her face. She moves her memory of the hospital from earlier to the back of her mind. Moments later the elevator stops at the eighth floor and she get off.
There are three other offices on this floor; one is for her brother, Jeremy, who is just a year younger than her at eighteen. He works part time at their fathers firm while still finishing his college degree on business management. The second office is designed for her, which just goes to show how stubborn her father is.
Juliet waves at Sarah Marsden, her fathers PA. She is a kind lady in her mid thirties dressed in her black office suit, very professional, and that is what she likes about her. “Hello Ms. Wagner! You can go right in,” Sarah said, Juliet replies with a curt nod before walking into her father’s office.
“Hi dad!” Juliet said taking a seat opposite him. Her father looks up from the document he has been reading. His denim blue eyes have lost the life in them. It’s not unusual to see his eyes so… dead. They have been that way for the past two years, ever since her mother was sent to the hospital.
However, what really stuck out that afternoon were the dark circles under his eyes. She didn’t remember him coming home the previous night either. His tie is loosened around his neck and his jacket tossed on the couch.
“Well you look like crap!” she adds stating the obvious, which adds another reason as to why she refuses to work in her father’s firm. I couldn’t be serious to save my life! Besides I would probably die of boredom surrounded with serious people from 9 am to 5 pm. It’s just not the life I choose for myself.
“Sweetheart” Her father said sounding serious. Its then she knows that this is not going to be a joking matter. Whatever it is that bothering her father is something critical and she could bet in her life its in regards to the paper she found him reading.
"Please forgive me?” her father said as he placed his head in his hands hiding his face from her. Juliet frowns at this, when her father asked her to meet at the office she thought they are going to have one of their usual arguments about her working for the firm. Not in her wild dreams did she expect him to ask her for forgiveness.
Juliet loves her old man to death; he is after all the only functioning parent she has! Why is he asking for forgiveness? “Dad? What’s going on?” Juliet asks as she drops her purse on the floor and walks around the table towards him.
Her father takes a deep breath as though to calm himself before he faces her. He looks so guilty it made Juliet’s heart rate increase ten fold. Jesus Crist! She thought. Her father takes her hands in his own squeezing her small palms. “Three months ago we were going to loose everything. The company the house everything!” her father said shaking his head at the dreadful memory.
“I had no other way of saving us, of saving this firm! So I made a meeting with Erwin Carlton in hopes of a loan. He agreed under one condition,” Her father explains as his eyes turn to the paper he was reading earlier. Juliet pulls her hands out of his grip and takes the document that’s lying on the table.
Business-Marriage Contract
This Business- Marriage contract is an agreement between James Vladimir Wagner and Erwin Lucian Carlton. James Vladimir Wagner wishes to borrow $ 8,000,000 USD from Erwin Lucian Carlton; this amount will be given immediately after the contract is signed.
In exchange for the $8,000,000 USD James Vladimir has to give Juliet Elena Wagner, his daughter’s hand in marriage to Erwin Lucian Carlton’s first son, Keith Nicholas Carlton three months after this contract is signed.
If James Vladimir Wagner or his daughter Juliet Elena Wagner were to change their mind hence directly breaking this contract; the Wagner’s construction directly becomes one of Erwin Lucian Carlton’s assets.
James Vladimir Wagner and Erwin Lucian Carlton agree to the conditions above, and sign to that in the presence of Mr. Smith and Mr. Hathaway on February 11, 2013.
Juliet reads the paper over three times she cannot believe her eyes. Marriage contract, eight million dollars, three months and Keith Nicolas Carlton were the only words that resonated inside her head over and over again. Juliet stares at the paper confusion evident on her face. The words slowly start to form some sort of meaning but they make no sense to her.
“Why? Why would you do this to me dad?” Juliet asks dropping the paper on the desk, taking two steps away from her father.
“Sweetheart, I am sorry, I am really, really sorry” James said his eyes filled with regret. “I had no choice sweetheart, my hands were tied!” Her father replies feeling ashamed. Good he should be! Juliet thought to herself she glared him.
“This contract was made three months ago, why are you telling me now?” Juliet asks as she fought against the tears that cloud her vision. She couldn’t believe her father would do this to her.
It was not like him, she is trying to understand the contract but her emotions cloud her logic. She is high on adrenalin and she is not in the mode of arguing with him. Run that is the only thing chanting in her mind.
“I thought Mr. Carlton will forget about the deal you know out of mind out of sight” her father said tugging on his lose tie as though its choking him. “But he just called me yesterday morning reminding me of the deal. You are suppose to go for dinner with Keith tonight and the wedding is in two days” her father explained.
Juliet felt all the blood leave her face; her heart is beating so fast she fears she is going to die of a heart attack. Her stomach is doing nervous flip-flops she feels sick as though she is going to puke out her lunch.
She has two days to marry a stranger, damn it all! She has not dated a guy for eighteen months after having her heart broken. “I need some air,” Juliet said turning on her heel ready to leave his office.
“I am really sorry sweetheart” she hears him call after her just as she pulls open the door and walks out of her father’s office like a zombie. She takes the stairs this time; she walks aimlessly through the lobby and out of the firm without saying a word to anyone.
I could run, run away from all this madness. I could go to Kansas and stay with my grandparents until the storm passed over, this is a good plan. Juliet let out a groan; she had been walking for five minutes now. Juliet is not a coward, she is going to face this Keith Carlton and convince him to call off the wedding since it’s his father who suggested the absurd negotiation.
This is the twenty first century for crying out loud! Business arranged marriages no longer take place in this era. Juliet makes up her mind; I am going to convince what’s his face not to marry me! I am sure he will listen to reason!
Juliet already has a broken heart to the point that no one can piece together. She knows she is a fool for holding on to him for eighteen months but she couldn’t let him go despite his deceit towards her. She loved him, she loved him too much and his betrayal made her the girl she is today. Juliet didn’t believe in love, prince charming, princess weddings or a happily ever after. They are ideas that make her nauseous.
Juliet feels her self bang onto a wall, since she wasn’t paying attention to the road in front of her. “Are you okay?” A male worried voice reaches her ear. Than she realizes that she has banged onto a person. Her green eyes meet with his whisky-brown ones. He has ear length black hair and about a head taller than her.
He looked handsome, if she wasn’t caught up in her thoughts she might have been a blushing mess. He looks somewhat familiar but in her state of mind she couldn’t place him. She knows she has seen this man in a magazine or the newspaper or the television maybe in all of them. “Fine” Juliet replies walking around him.
“Ms.! You dropped your wallet!” the handsome stranger/ celebrity calls out to her. Juliet frowns; she turns on her heel only to find him holding up her wallet. Can this day get any worse? She wonders to herself.
“Thanks!” Juliet says as she takes the wallet from him, she has enough on her mind and socializing with handsome celebrities is not on her to-do list that afternoon. She could feel his eyes on her, but she ignores him. Juliet hails the first cab she sees giving the man her home address.
She isn’t going to cry, not when she still has hope to get out of this situating but if push comes to shove then she is going to resort to running. It is not like her to run away from a difficult situation but she did run away from him when he broke her heart. When it comes to men Juliet decided that running is her best option.
The cab comes to a stop outside her one story mansion that she shares with her father and brother. Once, two years ago, she was not the only girl living with them. She had her mother than; Juliet pushes that sad thought at the back of her mind as she walks into her house.
They had a housekeeper, Jenna, who would prepare their lunch and dinner. “Jena! I am home!” Juliet greets the older woman as she closes the front door behind her. Jena was in the kitchen setting her lunch on the table. “I am not hungry today!” she adds flashing her an apologetic smile.
“Okay, I will put your food in the fridge. Let me know when you get hungry and I can heat it up for you. Also dear, a package was delivered for you this afternoon” Jenna replies flashing her a smile.
“Huh?” Juliet whispers feeling confused she did not expect any packages today. Frowning at this information; she thanks Jenna then makes her way to her bedroom where she finds a box resting on the center of her bed with a note attached to it.
Hello Juliet.
I picked this dress out for you myself,
I am sure you would look beautiful in it,
See you at 8pm tonight.
~Keith Carlton
Well my day just got worse! Juliet thinks to herself as she crumples the note in her hand and tossing it somewhere in her room. She throws herself on the queen size bed staring blankly at the ceiling.
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Hi, mountainclimber here for a review!
I don't have much that wasn't already pointed out, but there are a couple grammar mistakes and such that you could easily read thru and fix yourself, but instead of saying: "I am home" or "I am not hungry", try to use contractions. "I'm home."
There's some punctuation missing too, but overall, this is a great story!
Hello there! cleverclogs here for a Review Day review!
First of all, there are several grammar mistakes with this. A lot of them can be fixed easily, so I'm not going to comb through and point them all out to you. It's nothing that can't be fixed with a good, thorough proofreading. I encourage you to review your work before you publish it to avoid mistakes like these. They can be very grating to read.
Next, you dump quite a bit of information on us at once in several places. For instance,
This chunk of text tells us a lot about the characters, but instead of slipping it into dialogue and narration, it just states it outright. Instead of saying, "these people are friends," show it to the readers through their actions and conversation. This happens a few times throughout the story, so maybe you could reread it and consider some revisions.
The premise of the story doesn't seem very realistic to me. Marriage contracts are outdated and frowned upon in your setting. Heck, I don't even know if they're legal. I'm interested to see if you can suspend our disbelief enough to make this story work. I can't help but notice that your main character shares a name with a famous character in literature who was also in an arranged marriage. Is that intentional, or did you just like the name? Paris probably would have been a better match for Shakespeare's Juliet than Romeo anyway, if you've read the play.
Overall, this is a fairly promising start to a story, but it could use some work. Keep on writing!
Sweetiezee,
This is a wonderful start to what could be a very promising novel/short story. The way you combined the third person limited point of view and present tense was very unique. You were very descriptive in your writing and did an amazing job of painting the scene in detail.
As I went through I noticed a few easy-fix typos. The housekeepers name, Jenna, is spelled two different ways- Jenna and Jena. Every once in a while a word is typed incorrectly, like a "then" spelled "than." The easiest ways to fix these things is to read your writing aloud and make sure the words are all written as what you meant them to be. Also, in the first paragraph parlor is spelled incorrectly as pallor. Easy fix right? Just change those few words and you'll be set. One more thing. In the ice-cream parlor Chase turns to Stephanie and says "Darling?" I don't feel like it fits him. Maybe he should say "Honey?" or "Steph?" or something less formal. But that's just my preference.
It sounded like you had a lot of fun with this piece. I also noticed that you wrote this your first day. Welcome to YWS! Keep writing! I can't wait to hear more from you.
~Joy