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JohnLocke1

John Locke

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Action / Adventure Re: The Rising Dawn Series- Ch. 1 (First half)

    Although this is a very descriptive and beautiful piece, I felt as though nothing really happened. Besides the last three paragraphs, everything else felt like it was simply filling space. ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:20 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Dramatic, Romantic Re: The One Way Bridge (1)

    I am always interested to see how different writers handle the subject of death. I often have my characters stunned into disbelief as well because that is how I often ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:14 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, Science Fiction Re: Dream Catcher Chapter 1

    I never read books in the present tense. I don't know why, but I have never found them entertaining what so ever. However, your story genuinely made me interested. The ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:02 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, Realistic Re: Momentarily Untitled: Preface

    This premise is somewhat bland. You need to give the reader a reason to continue reading. Right now, her fiance died and she was left alone. Although that could become ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:41 pm
  • Short Story » General, Romantic Re: One More Night

    I couldn't tell what it was, but something about the beginning of this story simply made me smile. As I was reading your dialogue, thought, I thought it was a ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:38 pm
  • Article / Essay » Culture, Realistic Re: The World?

    Interesting short story. There were a few grammatical errors, problems with punctuation, and awkward phrasing, but I don't often focus on grammar in my reviews unless I am specifically asked ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:31 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Action / Adventure Re: Hidden

    This could turn into a very promising story. I suggest your pursue it! However, I would explain a few things. Why is this world hidden and when did it begin ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:26 pm
  • Other » Narrative, Dramatic Re: Eleven years

    This was a really fantastic short story! Even though it wasn't long, it had a very advanced literary arc. The build up in the beginning was clear and you had ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:12 pm
  • Poetry » Dramatic, Horror Re: A Murdered Love Poem

    This is a very powerful poem you've written. I usually do not enjoy poems that rhythm, but this one actually entertained me. I can't really review poems since they aren't ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:19 am
  • Short Story » General, General Re: What we all endure

    Wow. This is a very interesting concept you've written about here. I don't think I've ever read anything written from the point of view of a cereal box. I think ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:08 am
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Loving you

    I feel like this plot line is very overdone. Guy of her dreams. She thinks she isn't worth it. He thinks she's great. They fall in love. It's very monotonous. ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:02 am
  • Short Story » Realistic, Teen Fiction Re: Escape

    Very good writing on your part. It was descriptive and it had a clear voice. However, I was a bit confused as to what the purpose of this piece of ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:50 am
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, Dramatic Re: No Respawns

    That was quite the story. Your beginning paragraph really showed me everything that it needed to and I was genuinely drawn in. I had no idea it was a video ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 2:40 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Action / Adventure Re: Rain's Destiny: Second set of chapters

    I see what you mean by Rain's POV having meaning. It certainly does. But, I feel as though the plot line moves very fast. I read a lot of Fantasy ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:57 am
  • Other » General, Science Fiction Re: untitled (suggestions welcome ^^)

    This was a very interesting concept made better by your very talented writing. Your description writing was quite amazing. I would clear everything up, though. You put a lot of ...

    Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:37 am


That comma is load bearing.
— Omni