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The World?

by Skydreamer


You never really get to see the world until you’re in an airport. That’s not completely true of course, but it has truth in it. The airport is a place where people go in order to go, it brings forth purpose in everyone’s footsteps and purpose brings out truth. They are not staying but going, and thus you find people from everywhere in different moods, the moods that make you think on the world, and how we are as people. But there is a universal mood that comes upon everyone, and that mood is tiredness.

So as my mother was falling into that universal mood, I walked away from where we were sitting on the second floor of the airport and walked a little.

I felt pressure, like to impress, pressure. I felt like there was someone I needed to impress, or rather I felt eyes on me. It was highly uncomfortable I must mention, so I walked and stopped by an edge with glass panels blocking me from falling down to the first floor and watched people down below at a restaurant. I am sure they too had pressure, in their own form and their own way they too had pressure.

Maybe to make sure their family stays together. Maybe to make sure the plan for the holiday and/or new year works out to the very end. Or possibly just the pressure of living, and not knowing, truly knowing what another wants; intuition is wonderful, but isn't surety. It could be all kinds of pressure. And here we all were faking it, acting like we all got it together, when if we knew each other’s thoughts, we’d all be driven insane. Driven insane because of how much we were hiding from each other, and how much we yet need to know.

I went to the other side of the upper floor we were on, and looked down. People were moving, fast, going somewhere. It made me feel quite small in seeing that, but not small like ‘there are so many people in this word!‘ But small like,’ there is so much we don’t know or understand in this world.’ And that made me sad, it made me sad because there is so much I want to know and understand in this world. So much I’d like revealed to me. So much I’d like to comprehend, not just for the sake of understanding--although that in itself is rewarding--but also for the sake of doing something, although I am not quite sure what.

I just hope that we will all want to know, so that not everything will be hidden from us. Because I also realized through being in an airport, that the more you want to know the more you will find out. The more you want to discover, it will be brought to light. But you must find the will to know, and then you decide how to use what you know to bring even more purpose to your steps.

(last edited 07/08/2013)


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Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:45 am
Lycando wrote a review...



Hey there!

I like this story, although rewording and rephrasing to give the story more of an dramatic effect is in order. The sentences in this are pure thoughts, and they don't carry much weight. You're basically describing the scene as it is, but adding your own thoughts there. Give some analogy to it, give it some surrealism. It's a unique way of description you have here, but it could be improved. You see the same things everyone does, but differently, how about noticing the things others don't notice too? I'm talking about the small details that can be blown up to people to make the story good.

There's alot of "could be" "possibly" and "maybe" here. I agree with Hannah. Don't use those words, make your statement firmly, yet be subtle. Tell your readers as it is, don't let them think otherwise.

I would like you to focus more on the setting on this part and how the character interprets them in his/her own special way. The reader wants to see something they always see, but in a different perspective.

I like the last paragraph, it's what leaves the reader hanging, but thinking. Something as simple as that but worded well can really make a good ending to a story.

My tips on how to improve this. 1. Talk less about what the character sees, because everyone else sees the same thing, talk more about the WAY the character sees it. 2. Rewording of course, some phrases are awkward and stick out. 3. Use analogies, they always help to convey a message or idea if you want to.

Hope my review helped!




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:32 am
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Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, this is clearly a first draft, and as such it has some merit, but it's definitely gonna need a little editing. Firstly, consider what you really want to say. This feels like your free-writing for the day: just getting your thoughts out onto paper in the order they came to you. But an audience doesn't have your same brain, doesn't follow the same train of thought, so you need to organize this and make it easy for outsiders to follow.

The most important thing is to state your views with confidence. Even if you're right, opening an piece with a statement, then a "oh maybe that's not right, but it's kinda right", shatters your credibility. We know, from the first moment, that you're not gonna give us anything concrete, but you're going to be wishy washy from one point to another. And that holds true in this first draft. You go from one philosophy to another, following your actions, which change too quickly to follow.

There's truth, there's purpose, there's pressure, there's understanding, but you don't linger on any of it for nearly long enough for the reader to go through a thought process with you. Either slow it down and linger on these thoughts for much longer, or cut the excess ones and focus on the philosophy that interests you the most. I'd say that the most original part of these thoughts was when you were observing the strides of the airport people. Who is sitting? Who is rushing? Who is standing? Who is hurried and who is slow? I think this topic bears the most elaboration. The idea of small and big on different levels, I think, is something that can be remarked upon once but not really elaborated upon without getting all absurdly symbolically philosophical.

Well, I hope this review helped a bit. Lemme know if you post another version, okay?
PM me or wall-post me with any questions, 'cause I don't get notifications for replies to my reviews. Good luck!




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:04 am
PollarBear14 wrote a review...



I loved this! This is the sort of piece I've been looking to read for a while. Simply put, cleverly explored, it has the sort of ideas that i would find difficult to put into words but that make me go "Thats so true!" as I read.
The opening line hooked me in straight away when I saw it in the description and the thoughts in the first paragraph were interesting and insightful. The feelings of pressure were harder to understand than the want for knowledge but you composed your thoughts nicely.
The last paragraph carried an idea that I have heard a lot and believed in myself but the way you phrased it gave a new angle to it.
So thanks a lot for writing this. I'd love to read more articles like this and be sure to message me if you do write anymore.
Pollarbear




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Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:31 pm
JohnLocke1 wrote a review...



Interesting short story. There were a few grammatical errors, problems with punctuation, and awkward phrasing, but I don't often focus on grammar in my reviews unless I am specifically asked to. I feel like the theme of the airport was only used in the first paragraph and the last paragraph. Also, you jumped around ideas frequently. You never focused on one idea for too long. I suggest you take each individual idea in your story and expand upon it to create a larger story. There is a lot of potential in this piece and I hope you decide to keep writing with it. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!





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