The One Way Bridge (1)

When I was in high school, my mom used to make Saturday mornings special by making chocolate chip pancakes. It was her way of rewarding herself, my dad and I for the hard work we had all done the week before. Every detail of our Saturday morning breakfasts were always perfect, except for one day in late May of my senior year. We ate outside on our patio, enjoying the warm-but-not-scorching summer weather that had begun to strike Havenfield.

It had been a long week at school, not just for me, but everyone it seemed, and I had been looking forward to pancakes. The ones I had that morning, however, weren't good. There were way too many chocolate chips—I love chocolate, but I don't really like eating plain melted chocolate for breakfast—and not enough pancake, and they were burnt. That, combined with the fact that both my mom and my dad had been acting weird, having long awkward silences, letting all my attempts to start a conversation drop and looking at each-other worriedly, led me to suspect something.

“Is there something wrong?” I finally said mid-meal, between a swig of orange juice. My dad looked at my mom but did nothing else. My mom took a bite of pancake then laughed kind of nervously.
“Thomas...” she began, her voice weak.

“What?”

“Um...I spoke with Mrs. Ryan this morning over the phone.”
“And?”

“After breakfast is done, I need you to change in something nice and we'll walk over to their house.”
“Why?”

Mom looked like she was about to cry, and I didn't know why, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Thomas.” My mother breathed deeply as if to say something, but then she stopped, like the words got caught in her throat, and then turned to my dad.
“What is going on?” I demanded.

There was a pause before my dad finally answered. “Thomas. After you left the play last night, there was an accident.”
The play. Closing night of the spring musical, The Sound of Music. Annie played the lead of Maria, and it was her swansong to high school theater before heading off to Julliard in the fall. And the uneasy feeling in my stomach grew a ton worse. “What sort of accident?” I say nervously.

“Thomas, I don't know if you were aware, but the cast was planning to meet for milkshakes at Bob's Diner afterward.”
I was aware. Annie had mentioned it when we briefly talked after her show. I nodded, waiting for my dad to continue.

“Thomas, Annie was found dead in an alleyway this morning. Someone stabbed her. She was a block away the restaurant.”
I didn't register what my dad said until about a minute until he after said it. Dead? It wasn't possible. I had spoken to Annie less than twelve hours ago. The conversation was still so vivid in my mind. We'd agreed to meet at King's Coffee today to study for final exams. We were going to graduate in less than two weeks. We'd already gotten our caps and gowns. I told my parents this, and in response my mom came over to me and put her arms around me.

“I'm so sorry honey,” she said, kissing my forehead, and I could tell she was holding back tears.

I sat there, stunned. Without thinking, I began to cry, not wanting to think about how awful visiting the Ryan's house would be or how anything everything that awaited me in my future would play out. Even though I knew what my dad was telling me was true, a mess of emotions consumed me; rage, denial, grief. My dad said that she was stabbed. That would have meant someone had killed her. And to my eighteen year old self, that just didn't seem possible. I walked away from the table and went back into the house. I went to my room and found a shirt and jeans and loafers that weren't exactly dressing up as far as clothes go but didn't look too bad either, because I didn't want to go fishing through my closet.

I went back out to the patio and told my parents that I walking over to Annie's. They told me to wait for them, but I ignored them and started down the three blocks to her house. I didn't want to feel like the twelve year old I was when we first moved her, awkward and friendless, constantly tethered to the safety of my parents whenever we walked places. I also didn't want them to see me cry. Even though I knew it was all real while it was happening, it felt surreal, like a bad dream. I was sort of hoping I'd come up to the house and find it unchanged, that I'd knock on the door and Annie would answer, take my hand and we'd go off to do whatever we planned to do.

But the sight I saw when I came across her house was a sight that I will never forget. There were about three police cars there. There were no other cars except for the Ryan's blue SUV, but I guessed that there were already other people there, since everyone has always walked everywhere in Havenfield, especially in summertime. I was right. I knocked on the door and Annie's best friend Lisa greeted me. Her eyes were red from crying. Her curly red hair was in a loose, messy bun and she had on a yellow sundress and sandals. I also noticed she had on no makeup, and generally Lisa wore lots of it.

“Hi Thomas.”
I stepped in the house and hugged her. “How many people are here so far?”
“Just me and Evie and our parents. Since the Ryans consider us close friends, you know?”
“Yeah. My parents are coming. I didn't want to walk over with them.”
“Annie's parents are also in the process of telling the teachers and stuff at school. The principal's gonna come on the PA tomorrow and make the announcement. I don't want to be here,” Lisa said flatly. “Everyone is basically crying and sitting and not talking. I don't think Elise has said a word at all this morning.”
I nodded. Elise was Annie's younger sister, fifteen and a freshman,

“Also, Annie's dad is talking to cops in the kitchen,” Lisa continued.
“What kind of monster would have killed her?”
“I don't even want to think about it.”

We both felt like there was more to say then, but we were both so overwhelmed and we kind of just started crying.

I don't remember how long we were there. All I remember is that that day was like a nightmare that would not end.

That was almost exactly seven years ago. Even though I try not to think about it as I get dressed. I'm supposed to meet Hannah at the park in a little less than hour for a picnic. It's our five year anniversary, and I intend to propose to her today.

It was weird. After Annie died I felt like I would never fall in love again. But that was because I was eighteen years old and had been with her since the beginning of freshman year. That fall I went to Boston University to study architecture as planned. I'd always been an awkward kid growing up, but I guess I turned out alright looks wise as I got older. Because there were pretty girls that wanted me. Pretty girls who knew who I was single but I didn't know that the girl I loved had died. And I was happy to give them what they wanted from me, even if I didn't care the slightest bit for them. Even though those weren't some of my proudest moments, I think it helped keep me from losing my mind. At least until I met Hannah, and she changed everything.

Well, met is the wrong word because I already knew who Hannah was. We went to the same high school, and she was a grade below me. We shared AP Spanish when I was a senior and she was a junior. But her freshman year at BU was the first time we started really talking. I couldn't believe it – I was falling in love all over again.
After we both graduated, Hannah and I pooled our money together and bought an apartment where we'd lived until last year when it proved to be too much money. We both were going to stay with our parents back in Havenfield for a while we figured out where we headed with our careers and to be a little older and wiser before we decided to officially tie the knot.
It was a warm day, and the park was packed. I'd picked a shady spot by the river so we could at least have a little bit of privacy. As I waited for her to arrive, I scanned the premises to see if I saw anyone that I knew. Havenfield was such a small town that it was inevitable. But it was seven years since I'd really spent time here, and while little had changed about the town itself, those in school right now were of a different generation. There were a couple of adults I vaguely recognized, but no one who I was really good friends with. Evie and Lisa still lived in Havenfield. Elise would be graduating from from Ithaca College any day and she would be home at the end of the month. Claire was a Broadway actress in New York City. I'd had coffee with Evie the other day, and she'd said he'd bought an apartment in New Jersey.
I looked up and saw that Hannah was here, looking gorgeous in a blue lacy top and khaki shorts. Her curly blond hair was loose. She'd spotted me and was walking my way with the picnic basket in hand.

I took a deep breath and grasped the ring box with my hand. I would wait, I decided, until after we ate to propose. Was I sure I wanted to do this? Yes, I was. I loved Hannah, and I was ready for the next chapter of my life.