Many call it home, I on the other hand call it torture. This place is the torture chamber in a pit of Hell that only the evil can dictate. This place does not allow me to find the real me. It does not allow the truth to come forward. I can't deal with this anymore. I must escape.
Every morning is the same thing. Once I wake up my bare feet hit the freezing cold wooden floor as I regret the day that lies ahead. Why can't I leave? Why can't I do what I like? I ask myself these questions as I get ready each day. After I go through the drag of a morning I realize the rest of the day will be one hundred percent worse. This life I am living is boring and average, I want so much more than that. Time is going by way too slow. I can't handle this.
My backstory is much brighter than my future. I am Rosalie Marie Jones. Short, brunette, and young. Music used to be my passion, but once I decided to change paths in life I haven't danced a single step. I haven't even listened to a note of music. I messed myself up. I don't notice all of the nice things that are right in front of me. The day that attractive con-artist presented me with that glowing contract was the day my career went down hill. He took my money and left my spirit dead in the street. I haven't trusted any one since.
The only one in my life that makes me happy is Eric. He understands me. I am honestly torn if we are just friends or if I actually love him. Either way, he will still be there. He opens my eyes and shows me that the world has so much more to offer. Eric takes my mind to wonderful places I can't even explain. But even Eric, won't let me escape to the hieghts I want to reach.
My heart and soul was left in Paris, France. But now I live here, deep in the forest of depression. I am offered so much more that I can take. I want more. These streets are full of idiots and narcotics. But I will never dare touch either. I iscolate myself, because I can not go through any worse that what I have and what I am. Rosalie Jones lives in a world of wishes and emotion, but she doesn't have anyone to share this creativity with.
~
I experienced a new dream today. A dream I brought to life. When I woke up this morning the floor was warm and I was glowing. Ready to face the day.
When I first saw Eric this afternoon I told him everything. My thoughts of running away, my dreams of creativity. I even told him I loved him. To my surprise he stayed and said the same. He kissed me passionately as we shared are dream of running to Paris to find my soul. But in reality my soul never left. It just had to be found within the mind of a significant other.
I am young, I am free. Time can only tell when one can leave. I don't need that time. I don't need to leave. My mind has escaped, but I stay in the same place. I have found myself. I have danced within the movement of emotion again. I am me. This is my life I must live. No more, no less. Just the life of Rose.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Very good writing on your part. It was descriptive and it had a clear voice. However, I was a bit confused as to what the purpose of this piece of writing was. I didn't feel close enough to the main character even though she was the one who was talking. I don't really know anything about her. I think you need to add more depth to her so that people have a reason to keep reading. I feel as though you could have expanded upon Eric as a character as well. Other than that, you write beautifully and I can't wait to read your next piece. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!
Thanks John. You're review means so much. I will expand on my characters. I understand exactly where you are coming from when you mentioned that. I will keep you posted.~
Thanks again.! c:
Hi there,
I see that you are new so welcome! Hope you stick around.
I haven't reviewed for a while so please forgive any inconveniences.
The thing is, most teen fiction I've come across ( both in forums and manually on paper) have this same kind behavior. It is common knowledge that this unusual humans that go by the label of 'teens' like to stylishly call their homes a torture chamber or hell. This pessimism has been shown far too many times and has lost its aura. So ( in my view) one will not actually 'relate' to it but might rather find it distracting and this story, which itself is quite artsy, does not deserve that.
What I mean is, that it does not have the usual I-hate-my-home or I-hate-my-life sentiment so the beginning looks a bit misleading according to me.
ready for what? Maybe she has a job, in that case you have elaborate the narration because it might seem more realistic if the info level is sufficient.
As far as my knowledge goes, when someone discusses music, they usually mean playing an instrument or singing perhaps. One's passion in music do not denote dancing.
What was the contract about? What were the occurrences that devastated your character's career? AS I said before, I think the reader needs to consume a little bit more information.
This sentence is oddly worded. I get the meaning and the confusion the character is facing but try rephrasing this sentence because it does clearly express what you are trying to say.
* heights.
*Than. ( it's clearer more then)
The preceding sentence is contradicting the next sentence. First, the character complains she's being given more than she's bargaining for and in the next line she declaims that she wants more.
* isolate.
Anyway, It is quite an interesting story that deals with the fact of a person's feelings in alienation but it is also at the same time a tad bit murky so more details might help a lot and make it more entertaining.
Nice job!, by the way and hope to read more from me.
Puck
Thank you so, so much. Your review is very appreciated. I will take your review and use that in future writing. It only makes my writing better and stronger.
A/N - being this is my first post here on YWS please leave criticism and tips. Thank you.! c: