JC

“Owe!” You spelled this wrong. It's usually, Ow. But you can also use 'ouch' if you'd like. =D Blood flowed into his mouth, human blood. Now, on this it's just ...

Lethero looked over the temporary camp his wolves made as the day descended into twilight. This sentence confused me. Well, not confused, but it was awkward, and that's not the ...

I love how when somebody even just mentions Eragon/Paolini we all just jump at it =D It's so amazing. As for the series, I never made it past the first ...

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, as it's all been taken care of by Kitty. I think the whoa-oh-ah's can be taken out though, because they aren't exactly lyrics, ...

I love the idea for this, because I know that music does affect the way I write, and I do listen to different kinds of music for whatever mood I'm ...

I'll agree with Chocoholic in that you captured the emotion very well. I didn't like the chunkiness of it though, with the blocks of writing. I think you could incorporate ...

Please. Please. Please. PLEASEEEE!" For exagerations, it looks a lot cleaner to be simple and just use italics. That and you don't need to add the extra E's at the ...

Chapter One- (I'm a tad short on time, so I'll come back for chapter two) and her mouse Paula Comma before Paula. Caleb licked Carrie’s hand affectionately, and she took ...

Mother told me not to stare, that it was rude. But come on, it was an object. I think this should be one sentence. It was the Gate, the reason ...

"Dan Elliot. God! Do you have any fucking manners? You’re literally barking at me; you look like you’re foaming at the mouth. I mean, I know you’re having a rough ...

I haven't read this, and I know that that's not much help to you, but here are my suggestions anyways. You don't need so many spaces between whatever that was ...

I hadn't realized that the questions in my head, were actually being asked to me by him. That is quite a weird way to word that...try something a little smoother ...

“O, I’m sorry commander this is my son Dallas.” O= Oh “Ah , so this is the young prodigy I’ve been hearing about, very fine boy.” “Do not be alarmed, ...

Oh hi! I'm Mallory Stillwell! You must be new here because I know most of the kids in 8th grade and I've never seen you before. What did you want ...

Very nice, with minimal error. While this is both refreshingly done and origional, something about it rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the way that, though it's flash fiction, ...