Incandescence

The question that plagues a lot of us: Who cares? Not I. While it is kind of interesting, though not terribly so, I feel like you should have extrapolated the ...

Jack-- First, the poem itself: too ambitious in scope. Take the advice I'm giving myself these days--going to fail to execute it, but it's worth aiming for--don't try for something ...

Couplets? No. Don't ever do a poem of couplets. Couplets should be witty and sharp and at the end of a poem - not run throughout. Anyway, 'Spectre's Hollow' as ...

Lose gothic settings and ancient vernacular. The Transcendentals drove that to death. The poem itself is too abstract, as well. Cemeteries and Ghosts and Souls and Eternities are all empty ...

Oh my god...the burns.... Second, Fourth and Sixth stanzas are excessively redundant in a bad way. Rhyming is a very old-school technique, which is why I don't promote it (though ...

This poem has a lot of unnecessary verbage in it. "Just," for instance, is superfluous and ultimately detracts from the poem's meaning. You have words, lines, and even stanzas that ...

There is a point in which one can distinguish between 'stylistic choppiness' and 'choppiness for the sake of being choppy.' You don't want the latter, but this is what you ...

you spent time here and tell me i’m a lucky girl but before i can say hello you’re already gone Eradicate this stanza. Please. your brown hair curves around your ...

they're repetitive they're vague they're cliche they're overrated they're the same things i know you've heard them for years. That was pathetic and you know it. The "until now"s were ...

(Tit for Tet, right?) This poem was, in one word, excellent. In that same breath, excellence does not mean "perfection." The only flaw with this poem to me, a simply ...

Political poetry...blegh. Not even I do that and I'm a wacky conservative. Sheesh. Actually, the reference to "corporate America" was okay, but it didn't tie into the first stanza. In ...

Again, lose the rhyme scheme. The reference at the end to Greek mythology was ill-chosen and ineffective, as well. If you want to make literary allusions in your poetry, it ...

Your metre is off in certain places. While I like the idea of love compared to poker, it didn't strike me as anything too profound in this. Mostly because you ...

It felt, to me, at least, that the person whom the poem was written about changed multiple times throughout the poem (i.e. poems begins with 'you' and ends with 'me'). ...

Love is not like anything... Don't reuse lyrics as titles of your poetry, unless it's some clever connotation. I kept waiting to read, "especially a fucking knife." Hehe. Anyway, not ...