Published June 16, 2005
~Okay, so it's a teenage angst poem. So what? Not that it's any good, but that's besides the point. 
Okay, well, it doesn't rhyme and it's kind'a weird... but oh well.~
Love Is Not Like Anything
And where am I to turn?
Friends and family have been abandoned, I am alone.
Cannot turn inward, for I am the broken one.
And you have done this to me.
I lie here now, broken in pieces.
My own cancer; everyone's curse.
And it's a mystery how I make it through each day like this.
I survive with the reassurance that your lies were well-intentioned.
But when I look at you, I know the truth.
I can read it in your smile, can see it in your eyes.
I am just a game to you.
It's always been a game.
And now my pain is liquid
Pulsing through my body, through every vein
A crimson reminder of all of my regrets
In your cruel, vindictive mirror, I see myself: imperfect
Your Elysium is my Hell,
You perfection, my flaw.
Dearest love, why must it be this way?
Why must you abuse my mortality with games?
Darken my life with your eternal blackness?
Love is not like anything.
And I loathe you for your incompassion.
You have handed me reality, showed me truth.
My love, I hate you for what you've done to me.
~That's it. It ends there, but it kind'a feels like it's missing something. Anyway. Thanks for reading ^_^~
Angel xx
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,410 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Not bad. You just gotta accept ot for what it is befor eyou read it. (And ignore liz when she uses the word cliche. She calls almost everything on this site cliched)
Redundant and Predictable. And I agree with Brad.
that is....sadly, accurate. Very good.
Love is not like anything...
Don't reuse lyrics as titles of your poetry, unless it's some clever connotation. I kept waiting to read, "especially a fucking knife." Hehe.
Anyway, not really...bad, per se. Other than the last line which is very ugggggghhhh-typical-teen.
Thanks, everybody, for your criticism and comments. ^_^
I really enjoyed this it was like this side of me that I alwasy show, always use and... it was dark and I loved it for that...
I like it. I thought the first couple of lines were a little cliched, but the last line of that stanza is great. Maybe fix up the beginning a bit, for a stronger intro. Also, the fourth stanza was a little unoriginal. Keep the concept, but make it as great as your other verses
.
Overall, great work, especially the last line. Powerful and concluding. Nice stuff.
I thought this was really good and had some good points. Here's some crit
I loved your first line; it was a strong beginning. 'Friends and family have been abandoned'? Um, I think you mean 'Family and friends have abandoned me.' Because the way you have it, your friends and family have been abandoned. I suggest you take the 'I am alone' from the second line and move it to the 3rd line so it says, 'I am alone and cannot turn inward.' I also suggest that instead of saying 'I am the broken one' that you say 'I am broken in two'. I dont know about anyone else, but 'broken one' sounded awkward to me, but it is up to you
This was good, but you repeated 'broken' from the first stanza. Try to find another word for that. Nice idea of cancer being everyone's curse.
This was good, but I think you should expand on the 3rd line about seeing the truth. For instance, hint at what the truth is as opposed to the 'well intetioned lies'. Is the truth that they were not well-intentioned? I think it just needs some expanding and it will be great.
In the first line, suggest you split the two part of it so it says 'I can read it in your smile; I can see it in your eyes.' I loved the rest of stanza
Very nice. I loved this stanza.
Beautiful
My only suggestion here is that you replace 'blackness' with 'darkness'. I just don't like the word 'blackness'. The rest was awesome.
This was great. My suggestion for the last line is that you describe the truth with some kind of pain because it sounds like the person handed it to you brutally.
Good, strong powerful ending. Great!
I truly loved this poem. It was well-done and powerful. Awesome job!
I really like it.
It's really dark and gloomy compared to what I write, but I think it's awesome because it's like you poured your emotions out into this poem. Good job. ^_^