Incandescence

Trident: You write about the magic of everyday life without believing in said magic. At the end of the day, I'm left wondering what you're trying to do with this. ...

pandoraswritings-- What is this? Overmodified. Underconceived, clumsy narrative, for example: "I stop and smile, And think a while, At the things that can not be. Like a homeless man, You ...

Gabrielle-- This is very weak. You have four scenes where you encounter emotion and they aren't particularly interesting either in isolation or in combination. At the end, what's the reader ...

Cicero-- The problem is: this never escapes your navel. You go on and on about "me" as if anybody could possibly care. Writing about geography is a difficult task since ...

Trident: This is well-above the level of fiction posted here. I am afraid we are simply inadequate to give your piece the kind of treatment it deserves. A suggestion for ...

Hi _fallingstar_, I've read ECGs more interesting than this. I have no idea why you attempted to roll out your narrative in some sort of summary, but it doesn't appear ...

politicaltinkerbell-- This is way over-the-top with its larger-than-life "diagonal universes" and "souls to sell." Trying to be profound rarely coincides with actually being profound. As for the rest

xanthan_gum-- An irrational act rendered in irrational prose. You've done much better than this little ditty. The poem says (I suppose metaphorically) that you have ceased to apply your hand ...

Welcome, Alanna - By the standards of even inexperienced readers, this is junk. Sorry, but it's simply not "improvable" through editing. Both the concept and presentation are boorish. It really ...

Alanna-- The YWS does not yet possess the technology to autonomously produce critiques without a user to write them. Until such time, we would all appreciate if you would review ...

Samar-- Welcome to the YWS Poetry forums. The good news is: I commend your understanding of rhyme, where the Enter key is, and how to capitalize a letter. Combining these ...

Cameron, The link between the medications and the ending is not working for me. L1 and L2 should be abandoned at all costs: the reference to religion is not sustained ...

Lycanstyle01-- The feedback you have received here is solid, and I can add nothing to it. It is only natural that, as beginners, we take great pride in our works. ...

fanatic dadaism-- I recommend you to study how I respond to criticism, because I am a paragon in that respect. I post the most wonderful, imaginative work, that people would ...

Hi green_river - Let me be candid with you--after your first meager attempts at poetry and your response to the criticisms you received, I suspected you would either continue posting ...